Obsessive Compusiveness & Forgetfulness of Self

July 24, 2015

The Lord had a sweet message for us tonight, and a directive message, as well. I went to bed last night throwing a pout and being upset, because I couldn't have my shiny, new gate. I was mad! I was glad there was a teaching that came from it, but I was really struggling with my flesh and my human emotions.

I cried. Kinda pouted and fell asleep.

Anyway, tonight when I was with the Lord in worship, and I'd gotten over myself, for the most part, I remembered that, two or three days ago I was wearing a wine colored dress. And whenever I'm wearing that color, it means there's a sacrifice coming. Tonight, I didn't notice what color I was wearing. I think it might have been that same dress. But He was wearing slacks and a shirt. He danced with me and He was just...well, a few times, it was as if I was looking at us from a distance, I caught His expression and it was so vulnerable, and so tender, and so happy that I had gotten over myself and that I was there for Him. It was really something to behold - I really can't even describe it. It brings tears to my eyes just to think about it. He was just so happy to have me there, and that I so wanted to be with Him.

In the past, I don't think I handled my corrections quite as quickly - but with age comes wisdom...yes!

Tonight, He began the message with:

"I'm just happy that you're not upset with Me anymore."

Oh, Lord how ignorant to be upset with You. How foolish!

"But you were."

Yes, Lord, I was.

"But, you know it was for your best?"

Yes, I know I have been very foolish. Lord, I woke up with this Scripture on my mind:

I Cor 7:28 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is...... those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.32 I want you to be free from anxieties.

Wow. That sums it up...

"You know why, don't you?"

Oh Lord, if I look at this passage and when it was written, I will get extremely depressed. ('Cause back then, first century, you know the passage of time and that time was short. It's been two thousand years since then! And I thought, ooohhhh, I don't want to think about that!)

"So, look at it as if it were just written because I have just quickened it to you. It's not so much getting something you need, it's more about getting all tangled up in the world...Do you not know that no soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him? 2 Tim 2. I would have you free from the cares of this world, My Little Martha. Remember how hard we have worked to see your Mary nature overtake your Martha tendencies? Do you want to throw all that hard work away?"

Of course not, Lord.

"Well, the devils are slippery, Clare. They tell you, 'You can do this, you can get involved...you're not drifting, as soon as you're done you can shut the door on this.' Don't you know that's a lie? They had plenty planned for you, way beyond what you can even see or imagine right now. Give an inch and they take a mile. It is so tricky, literally. You begin to feel confident and that's when you begin to slide. With your nature, when you're doing any kind of project in the world, it is like I am watching you negotiate a mine field, and at some point when you begin to get too close, I have to stop you. This is your agreement with Me. This is what you want Me to do, so I do have your permission after all."

You know, guys - I have to say that yep, that's true. I remember times that I'd get started on a project around here, and by the third day I'd say, 'Oh, I'll be done with this by the end of the week. I'll get back to serious prayer - prayer for the larger portion of the day and study.' A week would come and go. Two weeks would come and go. Four weeks would come and go. EIGHT weeks would come and go - and I mean, I was HOOKED! I was OFF on a tangent, and you were not getting me back! And I would long for the Lord, and say 'This isn't right, I need to stop.' But I couldn't stop! I was caught in some kind of a whirlwind, a vortex of some kind, and I couldn't get out of it. Finally, after enough time elapsed, the Lord would come and rescue me. I'd collapse in tears, and say, 'This isn't what I wanted, Lord! This is not what I wanted, I'm so sorry. Thank you for rescuing me!'

So, continuing, after He talked about our agreement:

Oh Lord, couldn't You have stopped me after the shiny new gate was up?

"And miss you throwing a fit? Not in this world, I love to see you sacrifice and overcome yourself for Me."

That's mean.

"You won't be thinking that way when you get to Heaven, you'll be thanking Me."

Well, you're always right, so I have to take Your word for it. But still....

"You Love Me very much, Clare. And, I love it when you prove your love by obedience."

OK. (sigh)

He began speaking to all of us then:

"My Precious Brides, this is what it boils down to. If you Love Me, REALLY Love Me, you will deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow Me. In short, you will obey Me, even My every, little wish. And I wish for nothing but your good and the salvation of souls. When I correct you, it is a pruning. I am cutting back the dead wood to increase the yield of grapes. As I said, it is for your good and for the good of souls for Heaven.

"Although at the time it isn't pleasant, still it will bring forth an abundance of sweet fruit. You prove your love for Me through your obedience and faithfulness to Me. I see what is around the next bend, you do not. I am ahead of you and fully aware of Satan's next move with you. I prepare and protect you, even though at times, it is unpleasant. What joy it brings Me to see you bend your will to Mine. There is nothing quite like it in Heaven or on Earth: a soul who has free will, free agency to do whatever they please, but they are only pleased with what pleases Me.

"Can you imagine how much joy that brings Me? No, you can't. You cannot see a world full of ungrateful souls running to their ruin and busy taking all around them into perdition. To see a soul that stands against the flesh and says, 'No, I choose not to do this - for my God.' Oh, it is so heartening for Me, so encouraging, so full of the splendor of holiness. This is what I need from all of you, My Brides.

"Just like there are layers of sin, there are layers of sacrifice. The more you lose, the more you gain. Oh, if only you could see what you gain from these insignificant sacrifices. But, can you trust Me? It is a heavy weight of Glory that descends on such a soul. His or her dreams become My dreams. Her agenda becomes My agenda. My resources become her resources and no good thing do I withhold from those called by My Name who are living the life of faithfulness to My sovereign will.

"It is so contrary to the world. It is Heaven among us. Oh, the splendor and the glory of a soul that will live for Me alone. How much I can do through such a one as this. When I pour My life into you, it is meant to go out to others who are hurting in this world. But, if you appropriate it for selfish means, it frustrates My plan and it's as if you buried the talent and kept it from being fruitful.

"When I see that you are willing to use My graces as I meant them to be used, I continue to pour more through you until you become a living fountain of the manifestation of My Love for mankind. Oh, what a storehouse of treasures are laid up for those who love Me to the exclusion of themselves! If only you could see, you would never again appropriate My grace for selfish ends. And time? Yes, time is one of My graces to you. Once spent, it can never be regained. As you become more and more accountable to Me, in your heart, you will feel the pressure of time more keenly and be very careful not to waste it on your own pleasures.

"Of course there are times of refreshing, like the pizza I allowed Clare to have last night. There are times when I long to see you happy and satisfied with the gifts I give you. But, for the most part, the work of bringing salvation to souls is so pressing, so important and timely, that I prefer that you manifest forgetfulness of self. To this end I give you many graces and instructions in your conscience. I long for you to recognize and put them into practice. I know there are certain things you don't want to give up today, but tomorrow comes with new graces and as you fall more deeply in love with Me, those things have no more power over you. You have broken away from the man of flesh. Those who belong to Me have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

"You know, there are those in this world who are walking two feet off the ground, (figuratively speaking) completely detached from their fleshly nature. You wouldn't know them unless you studied their lives. They will always be found doing My will. The will of another they will refuse to do. They consider the time in their lives as not belonging to themselves and therefore avoid those things the carnal man values so highly.

"I am working with you. I am bringing you to this place. Don't be discouraged by your failures. If you handle them correctly they will only be stepping stones to the victory I have for you. Don't beat yourself when you fall. Get up, dust off the world and begin again in My grace.

"Beating yourself is counter-productive. Being resolute is a necessity. But, remember in all things: charity first. If your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists, that is not the fast I have in mind. Rather, 'loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke. Set the oppressed free and break every yoke. Share your food with the hungry and provide the poor wanderer with shelter--when you see the naked, clothe them, and do not turn away from your own flesh and blood. (taken from Isaiah 58)

"These are the things that form a man in holiness. When done with a pure motive, and from the heart, using the life I've given as I would use it, you become My hands and My feet, taking on My appearance, and loving others as you love yourself.

"So, go forth, My Bride, and be a blessing to all, confident you are living in forgetfulness of self. This grace is here for you - now, appropriate it! Live it! Blessed is that servant I find doing My will when I return...you know not the hour...so live this way, hour by hour, day by day...for I am coming at an hour you do not expect, and I long to shower My rewards upon you."