The Test: Will I Trust in God Alone?

April 18, 2018

Dear Jesus, thank You for giving me the faith to pass by that big temptation to rely on doctors, but rather to and cling to You and Your promises. Thank You, Lord. Please continue to strengthen our faith. Amen.

Well, a few days ago, I went in to check on Ezekiel and the sound of his breathing bothered me very much--and I gave into fear. Interestingly enough, I had made an appointment with a gastroenterologist months ago, and the very next day was that appointment. I didn't realize it until I checked my messages. I thought to myself, 'How timely. Now we'll really get all this cleared up and straightened out.'

Here we go again with my flesh!

The Lord did not want us to go 75 miles away on this appointment; He wanted to take total responsibility for Ezekiel's condition and healing. I could not get it across to the doctors that we didn't want invasive tests; we just wanted him to be comfortable. But being in the flesh and not trusting the Lord to alleviate the pain, I made that appointment, anyway. Because they continued to encourage me to do it.

And here it was, the day before. And actually--I was hoping I'd totally forget it. Although that's not very nice. I don't like to stand people up. So--here it was, the day before, and Ezekiel wasn't sounding too good. It seemed like maybe God changed His mind? And it was OK to take him to the doctor in Santa Fe?

Whoops. The flesh again.

So, in thinking this way, at 2:00 in the morning I started packing for a three-day stay in Santa Fe, figuring they would need time to get all this done. I let everyone know the plan and went to sleep.

But the next morning when I woke up, the very moment I woke, my very first thought was, 'What if the Lord really doesn't want you going to that doctor and getting all those tests? Are you willing to obey? And what if you go, and it turns out to be a disaster... and something you couldn't afford, anyway?'

But the main thought was: Really. Have you thought about, maybe, Jesus doesn't want you to go to that appointment?

Well. I jumped up and ran to Ezekiel (who was wide-awake) and said, "Honey, I don't think the Lord wants this." He let out a big sigh of relief and said, "I'm so glad you see that. No, He doesn't. He wants us totally reliant on Him."

Well, around the very same time that this happened--because things were getting critical. He kept having seizures and shaking. And we just couldn't figure out what was the matter? The doctors couldn't figure out what was the matter.

Well, Carol had been getting rhemas about St. Antony day after day. Now, this is where the great Cloud of Witnesses come in really handy. She kept getting these little reminders about St. Anthony and she finally decided, 'Okay. He keeps coming up, day after day, week after week. I'd better find out what this is all about!'

And found something about a sickness called St. Anthony's Fire, which is something called ergot poisoning. You see, ergot is a mold that grows on grain crops, but can be fatal--even if ingested in bread that's already baked. In fact, someone suggested that ergot poisoning is what caused women to act strangely and the witch hunt started on the East Coast. Because they ate some contaminated bread.

Well, the symptoms of the disease were frighteningly similar to what Ezekiel's been feeling so very intensely.

I began reading about that and found the poisoning factor was a chemical that caused an increase in serotonin in the brain, and in fact, caused Serotonin Syndrome--which can be life threatening. Boy, can it ever! I mean, your heart is hurting severely. You have trouble breathing. You're shaking like a leaf. You're having all kinds of seizures of legs and arms. Talking loud and strangely.

Well. At that point, I began researching the drugs he was taking and I found out that out of 6 prescriptions, 5 of them increased serotonin in the brain. Wow. That explained some of his worst symptoms.

Well, immediately we backed off on them all and just kept him to a very tiny maintenance dose of one. And I called the doctor two days after we did that, and he agreed that that was the right thing to do. And from that day forward, he hasn't had any reoccurrence of these terrible, terrible symptoms. Wow! Overnight these terrible symptoms disappeared and his whole situation changed. He has been peaceful with no more serious symptoms and is actually getting a little better every day.

I know the Lord told me this would soon be over, Heartdwellers. But having listened to the word 'soon' connected with the Rapture, I had a difficult time receiving this as something in the immediate future. Poor Jesus. How patient He is with our unbelief!

Are we going to trust God or man for our healing? This question becomes complicated when human flesh gets involved. Fear. Apprehension. Anxiety. Panic. And it also is strange when the Lord acknowledges that we need to see a doctor on some occasions, even approves medication--yet at other times, He wants to do it all, Himself, to reveal His love and mercy.

So, Ezekiel is getting stronger every day. Praise be to God! We still get attacked, but many, many times it is lying symptoms and not an actual physical malady.

So, it really took quite a bit for me to cancel that appointment in Santa Fe. I was so looking forward to having all my questions answered and Ezekiel finally getting approved for pain management. The night before, I allowed fear in when I was tired and I heard him breathing and knew that he went through a terribly painful day of seizures and shaking.

So, faith is not easy when you're confronted with a situation like that and a choice to make. The Lord, I'm finding, is continually stretching our faith, until He has us where He wants us: total reliance and obedience to Him.

Just when we reach the crest of the mountain and look over the rise, finally getting a view of what is ahead--fully expecting to be above it all looking down into the valley... It just. Doesn't. Work that way. Rather, as we finally conquer that crest, we get to see an even bigger mountain looming before us.

Sometimes I quip to the Lord, "You're just like my midwife... 'One more push, just one more...!' Thirty minutes later... 'just one more push. Push! One more push...'.

I know that is His mercy in action, because we could not bear to see what's really up ahead; we just aren't ready for that yet. But he's getting us ready with every step we take. So, little by little, line upon line, He prepares us and we continue on dying to ourselves to live for Him, until the day He takes our hand and we ascend into Heaven. Finally. Hallelujah!

And I would also like to make this point to you, Heartdwellers. In my situation, Ezekiel and I--when we pray and go to the Lord, and accumulate a few Bible readings--we KNOW that He's going to heal us. We understand what He's saying to us, and we can stand on that in Faith. So, I'm not suggesting that every person should discount their doctors and not keep their appointments. That's between you and God. If you get into prayer, and you have very strong indications and confirmations that He's going to heal you without the help of a doctor, then I would go with that.

But. If you don't have confirmations and you're shaky on your feet and you don't know what to do--of course, we fall back into human wisdom at that point. And that may be just exactly what Holy Spirit wants you to do. Every situation is different. Every person is different. And we can't say ahead of time which way something's going to go. That's why it's so important for you to seek Him daily and really know Him. Love Him with all your heart. Know His voice. And know the directions He wants you to go in, and the directions He prefers you not to go in. And be faithful to Him. The power of obedience and faith are miraculous. And if you're walking in total obedience and faith, the Lord will provide for your circumstance. He is Faithful.

Well, at this point, the Lord had something to say. So, He began, "I cannot even begin to tell you the horrors you would have encountered if you had gone ahead with your plan, Clare. Men know so very little about the human body, let alone the spiritual realities that affect it. You would have given up the perfection you receive in My care for him, in exchange for batteries of painful tests you could never afford--and you know how I feel about being 'on the system.' If I cannot take care of My own, what kind of omnipotent God am I?

"And I know you asked that question, finally, when you woke up. Oh, blessed sleep!

"Dear ones, do you know what we do together when you sleep? Oh, you are very busy at night getting instruction and even ministering to others. I do not permit you to remember most of it, because you are still too vulnerable to Pride. It is safe to keep the King's secrets between the two of you.

"But I do spend time with you at night when you sleep. I do instruct and brief you and I even heal your broken hearts at night. That is why you can go to bed feeling so badly and awake feeling happy and refreshed, and back on track. I cherish you, and I know how very difficult this vale of tears is. I do not leave you on your own, but I come to comfort you.

"I wish for you all to set aside the opinions and views of men, more and more every day, in favor of My instruction to you. Then, when the enemy threatens you with all sorts of fears, you can stand strong--because you are used to relying on My words to you, not theirs. And am I not always faithful in what I promise you?

"I will tell you a secret. The more you rely on Me, the greater your faith will grow and move into operation in all circumstances. When there is nothing more to be done by men, then it is My turn. And the sooner you arrive at that conclusion, the more peaceful and productive your lives will be.

"Oh, dear ones, I want you to watch ever so closely, every day when there is a decision to be made. Be ever so careful. I see when you are tempted to give in to the advice of men, even influential and well-educated men who pressure you. I see when you brush their counsel aside, and go instead with My promises to you. And oh, how overjoyed I am to behold your growth! The greater the stakes, the greater the temptation to give in to human reasoning. I understand this well, but I also know what I am storing up for you, willing to give you when you do make the right decision.

"Cling to Me in every trial. Cling to Me. Memorize My faithful words to you. Call out for strength and I will give it to you. You cannot overcome many of these trials alone, on your own; truly you need My empowerment from moment to moment. The devil is very clever and unless you cling to Me with all your heart, strength and mind--he will mislead you.

"I impart this to you now--those of you who hunger for this. Be it unto you, even as you believe. And never stop climbing, reaching, believing, waiting on My faithfulness. For I will never abandon you."