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August 14, 2019

Dear Jesus, thank You for taking things in hand and making them right. And thank You for Your kindness, Your patience and Your forgiveness. Amen.

Well, dear Family, I have been out of pocket. Mostly, struggling with different issues. And hopefully, this will be the last time that you don't hear from me for a while. I am trying to get caught up, but many things have been changing. In good ways. And the Lord has also been teaching me Humility lessons. And you know those are very painful!

I had two full days alone with Him, and so much is falling into place. One thing that happened was, I was so busy for so many days, that I missed my prayer time every morning for a week. And that really, really had bad consequences.

But, the last two days have been full of prayer. One thing I did grieve about though, and still makes me feel like a failure, was a decision I made that really delayed things and made them more complex.

Hoping to get to the root cause of this, I sat before the Lord and bared my heart. I opened the Rhema book that we published, to PRIDE. Oooh...The most hated word in my English language--PRIDE. Oh, how I hate that in me and oh, how it makes me tremble when He gives it to me. But I was deserving and could not back out.

After I went through the remorse and tears, I heard the tender voice of Jesus say, "We are not giving up on you. Look at the rhema cards I gave you from your rhema box."

I had been sitting with the Lord, going through 'what if this what if that, how can this happen now? What about such and such...?!' And my mind was a Ferris wheel of fears. And this card came up: "Do not ask so many questions, only TRUST ME."

Boy, He nailed me that time!

These are my rhema cards from 20 years. It's a good thousand cards or so. I keep them all in one place. When I feel the impulse, I grab one or two of them to see what the Lord wants to say to me, outside of myself.

And I was feeling so alone and barren when this card came up from my Rhema Box: "Just because you do not feel Me, does not mean that I am not here with you."

Bingo. He hit it again.

I started thinking about how miserable I felt for failing Him. And the next card was: "I gathered all my sufferings and difficulties into a bouquet for Jesus. It is a proof of my love for Him." No doubt, that came from St. Faustina.

I decided to pull one last card, feeling very impotent. And what came up: "My Divinity is within you... to share now with the whole world."

Wow. I sure didn't feel that way.

Well. The problem was, I wasn't listening very carefully. I made errors in judgment, and it happened because I didn't slow down and pray more. And wait on the Lord. But forged ahead in a panic.

Jesus continued, "You are bound to fall Clare, you are human. And being impatient at times is not to your advantage. You trusted a Bible Promise reading that was not a direct answer to your question. So, you chose the wrong way to do things. Being in a hurry is not to your advantage, because you overlook the more subtle signs that I send you."

And beware, everybody. When you ask the Lord a question, and He gives you kind of an answer that doesn't line up directly with what you've asked, He may be talking about something totally different! And in this case, He was.

I thought about what He said and realized that some change needed to be made. And I went looking for the solution, but it could not be found. Finally, circumstances brought the solution. But I didn't wait for it; I forged ahead--having that September date in the back of my mind.

Jesus continued, "My Love, you have learned some important lessons from this. May I correct your mistakes? Would you trust Me to make the necessary adjustments and changes? Would you trust Me even to make up for time and resources that were lost as a result of this?

"In general, would you Trust Me?

"You have repented for your pride and I have forgiven you. Now, rather than getting mired in the mud of failure, I would like to bring this dream to completion."

Lord, I would love for that to happen, but I feel so sick and weary inside. Please give me back the joy of my salvation.

"I am using how you feel as a fast offering. You CAN trust My words to you, Clare. I will wipe away the tears and the heartache. Do not be so surprised that you made a mistake in judgment. You are, after all, human. You just were moving so fast; you could not pick up on My signals to you. When you did, and resolved to do something about it, there was no easy answer. But now I have taken the situation in hand and the enemy's attempts to stop it will no longer succeed.

"There were other factors working against you, My Love. I want you to remember how difficult things were when the road was taken away from you. You had to do major repairs to the back way, before you could even get into the Refuge in a vehicle. All of that took valuable time from the schedule and cost you a lot of money in labor, as well. So many obstacles. So many lessons. And everyone has grown from this, Beloved."

Lord, please heal my heart; it hurts so badly.

"My dearest Bride, My grace is sufficient for you. Carry this cross of your failures with dignity and resolve. The enemy would strip you of a sense of accomplishment. But I say to you, you did accomplish much, and you did also do it the proper way. You do hear Me. You do seek Me. But you were so stirred up and anxious to go, you COULDN'T hear Me warning you on this one issue.

"And remember, the enemy played with those who you trusted to be there. And the weather cowed all of you, as well. But as you can see, you can work with the weather. A little rain doesn't mean you can't work. You have also been given great favor, that the storms expected went around the mountain and never hit you."

Oh, Jesus, it feels so good to hear Your voice.

"I am here to reassure you that I am not upset with you. Not in the least. And We certainly are not going fire you!"

Thanks, Lord. I even thought of that...

"My daughter, all your efforts brought forth fruit in many different ways. It's not all about building. But it is also about souls, and this has been a fruitful time for them. There are many set against you, but they do not understand Who they are fighting. They are not fighting you, Clare. They are fighting Me, just so you know the outcome. It will be total failure and defeat for them. It would have been much better for them if they had done the right thing from the beginning. But they had to learn the hard way, as well. They are fighting God.

"So, I wish for you to continue your prayers for them, because they are going to need them. Perhaps someday they will see that you can work together, and both will benefit. Because you do care for their interests, as well."

Lord, how could I have done this better?

Jesus answered, "Follow your inner instinct about people and ways of doing things. For instance, the attorney was a waste of time, because you know Me too well. I would not allow you to sue them. That was pride on your part."

Yeah. I see that.

"You were impatient to get started and overlooked some signals I was sending you. You didn't have a quick fix for the problem, so you proceeded anyway. In short, you got ahead of Me. And you were waiting for that gate to open, when you should have just gone around it, which you finally did do.

"But I would like to say a word to those who have chosen to be your enemies.

"You who have set yourselves against Me. Do you really suppose you can do these things without personal repercussions in your own lives? My heart for you is to bless you. But when you curse My people and stand in their way to lead a decent life on their own land, which I purchased for them, do you think I don't see and hear the lies and the plotting? Do you think I am too busy to defend them? You are most fortunate that they are praying for you and not hating you.

"What you sow, you will indeed reap. If you sow thorns and briars, you shall reap the fruit of the thorns and briars. You will be walled in by them. Perhaps then you will repent and turn back to Me.

"It is not I who curse you; it is the one you serve who stands ready to curse you when you are no longer of any use to him. I hold back the chastisements he has planned for you, hoping that you will come to your senses before it is too late.

"Indeed, it is the prayers of those you hate that protect you from the beatings Satan has in store for you. He began his career lying, and you are among the millions he has duped. Can you not see the writing on the wall for your lives?

"When you sell a house, you check on a person's credit reputation to make sure they will follow through and make all the payments. You reason, 'They have made good on previous transactions. They are honest and will make good on mine.' But you avoid those who are known to be shrewd liars and cheats, because they will rip you off.

"And yet you serve one who teaches you to be a shrewd liar and a cheat, and expect to be treated fairly at the end of your transactions with him? Yes, you even trust him.

"Others with a reputation for lying, you will not trust. But him? You trust?

"I have followed your career of evil and sent many to turn you aside from your ways. But you refuse, counting on the Liar of all Liars to make good his lying promises to you.

"You don't see it, do you? Your time is approaching. You will die, and Satan will not meet you with a crown of glory. Rather, he will send a band of thugs to dismember you as he watches and laughs at your naivete. The master Liar played you during your entire life--and you trusted him rather than ever suspecting that he was making promises he could not keep. Any kingdoms you have seen were projections and not real. Just the way you project your images. And they are not real.

"He has no kingdom prepared for you. Only the fires I have prepared for him--that is his kingdom, and that too is your lot.

"I sent this child into your midst to perhaps rescue you from your bitter ending, but you will not listen. Rather, you laugh.

"You are a living tragedy, and My heart breaks for your ending. And yet I hold out hope. Yes, I hold out forgiveness and love to you. But like so many other times when you turned Me down, My heart will continue to ache. Hope and mercy are running out for you."

Just to catch you up on what's going on. The family hermitage is almost done, and we are waiting for the roofing to arrive. The Chapel had a bad leak that affected one side of it. And we had to take that whole wall down and redo the roof. So that is underway as we speak.

We have decided on the location for the other four hermitages and will be starting them soon. Thanks be to God, we have two teams working hard, five days a week. But we could still use a couple more volunteers as we work through September.

Because of my errors in judgment, we are way behind on timing. But we will do everything we can, while we can.

I want to thank those who have donated to us. You have no idea how much you have helped us by keeping everything moving. I think because of vacations, donations have dropped off for July and August, and we are scraping by.

Dear ones if you can donate, we deeply appreciate it. When the hurting and wounded come to me in crisis, I feel obliged to do something to help them. And July and August have been very demanding in that way. Several people are having a crisis in their families.

But for those of you who truly care for us and have donated and even gone above board to help this vision come about, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel so inadequate for this job. But now God has sent knowledgeable people to help, and we are really on the right track. I didn't know I had so many who are so in love with Jesus that their hearts are moved to help this Refuge be completed. It's a very deep blessing for me. A very great blessing for me.

Thank you, faithful ones. May your reward in Heaven be great. I love you all, Heartdwellers. God bless you.