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September 25, 2019

Thank You, Lord, for setting my feet back on the right track. I so needed your intervention. Your mercy is unfathomable, just as St. Faustina said. I love you, my Lord.

Well, my dear family, now that you know my great weaknesses, I want to share with you the very tool that took the desires of my flesh away from me and launched me on the narrow road many, many years ago. It is a sanctifying rosary. And this is how I go about it.

But first, I must tell you all: when you pray, do not pray to the wind. Pray with the vision of that Saint or the Lord right there present to you. And you are not praying TO a Saint. You are petitioning the Saint to pray WITH you.

In other words, you are having a conversation with a Saint. Or when you are praying to the Lord, and they are facing you, they are listening attentively to every word, as well as reading between the lines. So many who petition Our Lady do so as if they were staring off into an empty space, and just repeating a rote prayer. NO! The space is not empty. You are connected to that person through the Holy Spirit, Who is alive and dwelling in them, and in you. There is an immediate connection the very moment you intend to pray.

Our Lady is merely an intercessor. Who has, however, great influence with God. Who would not be inclined to grant such a Mother the very desires of her heart? We are not a single parent family, guys.

When Ezekiel was taken to the bungalow, out in the forests of Heaven where God the Father was, it was the Blessed Virgin Mary who was dwelling there with Him. She was cooking Wedding cookies for us to enjoy, and it was obvious that Father God truly enjoyed her company.

(Now, please--if any of you have an unclean thought, do not project them onto our All Holy God and the spotless Virgin. Rather, rebuke yourself for yielding to filth from devils.)

Moving on... I want to change, and I need all the help I can get. So, I am calling up a way of praying from long ago at my second conversion. I have the book "The Imitation of Mary" by Alexander de Rouville, and it is wonderful for capturing the thoughts of the Holy Mother of Jesus. She, above all, knows her Son's way of thinking, what is pleasing, and what is in the way of a pure espousal relationship with Jesus. She is the Mother of the Bride, and her one wish is to draw you deeper into intimacy with Jesus, so that you truly are united together with the same will and intentions.

So, I use this book. I ask for a different random message, praying and asking Holy Spirit to give me a reading for each decade of the Rosary. In this way, Holy Spirit helps to pinpoint the areas that need work in my soul.

Right now, dear family, I am truly struggling with suffering. My fibro pain has been more than my medicine can handle. My joint pain has also been acute.

Of course, part of the reason is that I went up on the Mountain and did some cleanup. Now that we have finished the first house and have bunks in it, there is no longer any need for tents. Camping can be a bit messy, you know. And I wanted the area to be returned to the wilderness. I have trouble even seeing a piece of Kleenex on the ground, let alone scraps from this and that. So, I dove into it, and the next day it was painful to even move any part of my body.

And I was a disenchanted Israelite, complaining, murmuring, moaning and groaning--and being a very poor example of one who lovingly suffers for their Jesus. This is the raw reality: I struggle with self-pity, impatience, and especially any kind of pain or inconvenience that causes me to have to work harder.

In short: I'm a piece of work, guys.

And I'm even sick of my complaining, moaning, groaning and self-pity...let alone those around me who I try to hide it from. I'm not even good at that!!

So, today I got a reading. And another reading. And another reading about suffering. Oh, joy! Taking these from Rhema cards and different holy books, I also got, "Do what is right when you don't feel like it!" (bingo) How 'bout I don't feel like getting out of bed today?? And also, the Lord said, "Don't let the wounds you've suffered on the journey turn you back." And "Unless you are willing to fight for the victory, you will not obtain it." Wow. That doesn't leave much room for self-pity, Lord....

And there were so many more. But here is an excerpt from the book that you can download as a PDF at


Mary: MY CHILD, why do you weep and sigh?

The Believer: Queen of the saints, I was just beginning to enjoy some little tranquility, when suddenly I found myself troubled anew. Injustice, calumny, and ingratitude were plotting against me once more. Loving Mother, give this child of yours help and protection.

(And how does Mary give help? She prays to the Lord. Of course, she also has the angels assigned to her, who run errands for her. Like maybe protecting you from a poisoned arrow of gluttony. She has many ways of helping.)

Mary: My child, your state is somewhat like mine when I heard Simeon's prophecy there in the temple. After telling me of Jesus' future greatness, he predicted that He would meet opposition and persecution and that a sword of sorrow would pierce my heart (d. Lk 2:34-33). Thus I would share the difficulties my Son would have to bear.

I was very familiar, from Scripture, with the sufferings that would be Jesus' lot. Abel murdered, Joseph sold into slavery, David persecuted, and the paschal lamb were all figures foretelling what would befall Him. What bitter grief I felt at the sufferings and death of Jesus, which were always in my thoughts! How I groaned within when I held Jesus to my breast and thought of the cruel death by which He must save the world! If I saw a lamb being slaughtered in the Temple or a dove being sacrificed, I said to myself: "That is how Jesus will someday be offered."

The Believer: Virgin Mother, I glimpse how painful your state of mind must have been and why the Church rightly calls you "Queen of martyrs." The martyrs were decapitated, exposed to wild animals, or perished by water or fire, but their torments were usually short, (usually). Whereas, yours lasted thirty-three years. And during that whole time, filled with a courage and strength greater than those of all the martyrs, you heroically contemplated the ever-new sufferings God was preparing for you and especially those you must someday endure on Calvary.

As for me, I am weakness itself and entirely cowardly before the evils that threaten me. If your suffering was constantly renewed as you thought of the torments Jesus must undergo, you also continually renewed that first sacrificial offering you had made in the temple. Your soul was weighed down by deep sadness, yet your peace was undisturbed. In perfect submission you wanted whatever God wanted.

I, on the contrary, am frightened at the very thought of the new crosses He has in store for me. No more peace and tranquility for me! My spirit rebels and my heart complains.

Mary: My child, God will not allow you to be tempted, tested, or tormented beyond your strength. His help will always be equal to the trial He sends. Give heed to His grace, for it already speaks to you, and respond to His inspirations. If God has more crosses in store for someone, He gives greater graces that the person may bear them. Crosses are the most precious gifts God can give His creature; and the creature's acceptance of them is the most pleasing sacrifice it can offer its Creator. If the crosses He intends for you are heavy, that means He has great plans for your sanctification. Do you want to prevent those divine plans being fulfilled?

Your disturbance and fears will not take the crosses from you, whatever you do; you must carry them. What, then, is the wiser thing for you to do? It is to submit, my child, to all that God bids you do. You must say: The Lord is master; let Him do with me as He thinks best. (d. Lk 1:38)Then you will see God moved by your submission; faithful to His promises, He will make lighter than you thought possible the crosses which from a distance seemed so heavy. He will make them so light that you will say: Just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so too, through Christ, do we receive consolation in equal measure (2 Cor 1:5).

The Believer: Thank you, holy Mother, for the instruction you give me. It will strengthen me in my weakness.

It is you who obtain for me the new energy I feel within me for facing courageously the crosses I could not think of without trembling. Praised be the Lord, my God, who through the instructions of His holy Mother readies my hand for the struggle and teaches me to endure a battle in which without such help I could not but be defeated.

This is the format of the Imitation of Mary book by Alexander de Rouville. You can download it as a PDF on along with many other classics, after you sign in to their site.

Well, my dear ones, the Blessed Mother is truly taking up my cause and praying. I really felt something change today. Thank you, also, for praying for me.

God bless you, dear ones. May He bless you with great insight, understanding, and self-control. Over that, may He cover you with His cloak of Love. Amen.