Purging the Old Leaven from Our Hearts

October 3, 2019

Thank You, Lord, for teaching us the depths of Your love for us, and how to be servants. How to walk as You walked. How to encourage souls. And how to be lowly and humble and lift up those around us. Amen.

Precious Heartdwellers, I am learning so much from our little Community; it is very diverse! There are plenty of opportunities to love and forgive. Mostly, though, they are my opportunities to love and forgive myself! Things are done so differently in a sacramental community than they are in the world. Or you could say that when you come to serve the Lord, you must leave behind the ways of the world.

I remember when I was in business in NYC, how I had to continually check up on my clients. Visit them and keep myself current in their minds. Thank God I don't have to do that with Him!!! He is always standing by waiting for me; sometimes hours, sometimes days. Don't ask me how that happens, because I still haven't figured it out. It seems like when I put out one brush fire, another erupts. But in spite of all those things, the Refuge is coming together beautifully. And I am getting my prayer time.

But we are not on that Mountain to build buildings or have a community. We are there to pray and love one another, and sometimes we can lose sight of that.

When I was in the world, I was pushy, aggressive, on top of it. When I came to serve the Lord, He began dealing with me about the way I saw others, and about my superior attitude. I was way up there on one of the world's mountains, having been established and doing well in my business. I had settled into a comfortable position, professionally. But in dealing with people around me, I was harsh and demanding. I tended to write off their suggestions and do it my own way--and insist they do it my way.

Believe me, I am not saying I am free of that attitude... but at least now I know how wrong it is.

The Lord began to take me to task about the way I handled damaged souls and my own self-assured, accomplished, and arrogant attitude--revealing a pot of old leaven deep within me. Have you ever smelled yeast that has overtaken the bread and is rotting? It's bad, really bad. And all of that was in me. Yet what was beneath all that striving to look good in other's eyes, striving to have it all together and be the best at what I did, be competent... I was sorely lacking in love. Love for myself. And humility. I was very insecure underneath all of that.

I did not look up to others. I looked down on them until they proved themselves. If someone was weak and didn't do things well, I got irritated and didn't want them around me. I was always measuring their performance against my own--which, of course, I thought was competent. But in God's eyes? A total failure. I confess, I am still that way. But I do recognize it as a sin and renounce it when it happens.

He has had to humble me over and over again. Just this week, He humbled me and revealed my weakness. What I forgot is that when I do well, it is His grace. And when I don't do well, or when I judge and treat others harshly, He must cause me to fail by withdrawing His grace.

My dear ones, we belong to God now. We are His servants, and He came to wash our feet, listen to our woes, sacrifice to keep us from going to Hell. He was superior in every way, but never made people feel badly about themselves. Or lower. Or of no concern. (Well. Except the self-righteous Pharisees.) He came to raise us up out of our humanity. He came to demonstrate humility and love and how He is giving us the grace with the expectation to operate in it and not our flesh.

If we don't know something, there is no sin in revealing that to others. In the world, if you don't know how to do something, you hide it and use others to cover for you. Yet a competitive spirit goes into operation to make you look good. You find ways to irk those who you resent, because they may know more than you do. Or they may receive more recognition than you do. It's a dog-eat-dog world. And sometimes we resort to smoke and mirrors, to convince those above us that we are competent and in control, when inside we feel threatened by others with more experience. And in our insecurities, we are actually beating those we consider below us.

It's like the lion with a thorn in his paw. That deep insecurity makes us edgy and causes us sometimes to let loose on some people.

Dear ones, we have very little time to straighten up our act, empty ourselves of the old leaven, and take a position below everyone else--both in our minds and actions, so that we are actually propping up those who are visibly doing the work. So we are washing their feet and providing for them so they can do their best. Are we celebrating their ability on the outside with our words, and on the inside as well? Or are we harboring jealousy and contempt?

I know all these feelings very well. The Lord has been teaching me for a long time... Why for a long time? Because I don't change easily. I don't learn quickly. I have deep-seated insecurities. I resist going lower, going below others, and lifting them up to shine while I stay in the background.

And when we have a stronghold of Pride, we resist anything debasing. And yet Christ debased Himself. So, how can we call ourselves Christians when we are continually sporting an arrogant attitude towards those around us?

Please, my dear Heartdwellers, dare to be different. Dare to be little; dare to be wrong. We should be the most comfortable people to be around. We should be safe and loving company for the lowly immigrant or the child of a gangster. They should feel important, lifted up, validated, accepted as equals and even applauded for whatever measure of success they have--no matter how little.

Some people are given 1 grace at birth. Others, 50 graces at birth. And others yet, 500 graces at birth. The fault you see in your brother may be his only fault, while your faults are numerous. Only God knows how many graces are given to each soul at birth. Those with only one may be hitting it out of the ballpark, while those with 50 haven't even made it to first base yet.

And when I do blow it, when I do presume or criticize, when I catch myself having been responsible for another's fall or having hurt them or caused an accident, I must go and humble myself profoundly and apologize to them and ask for forgiveness. I have been reprimanded for just ignoring the mess I make, walking away and not apologizing to all concerned. That's arrogance on my part--to just walk away while everyone is looking on, and not saying, "I am deeply sorry, that was my fault. Please forgive me." This is a sign of not caring about others I hurt and being arrogant.

We may take responsibility for something, but have we apologized and asked forgiveness? That is so humbling.

My dear ones, pray for me to be more humble. Pray for our community to be more humble. It isn't easy for all who come, since many come from affluent backgrounds and others from the worst imaginable poverty. So, with that kind of diversity, there is bound to be friction.

Those from poor backgrounds feel intimidated by those in the middle class. That is UNTIL we prove to them that we do not see ourselves as any better than they. We honor and respect them, because they, too, have forsaken the world to live a life of evangelical poverty and serve the Lord with all their hearts and minds.

In fact, the highest-ranking person in our community is a Nana, a tiny African woman. She has been serving the Lord for years and dealing mercilessly with her own faults, while writing off the faults of others. She continually is washing my feet and taking care of Ezekiel's needs, as well. In the meantime, she is putting out a beautiful video, one that you just heard. And spending hours in prayer. She always thinks of the needs of others and is willing to take care of them. She really goes out of the way for them, whether it's her job to do it or not. She sees a need, and she volunteers to take care of it.

Dear ones, I am no longer a spring chicken and taking care of you all, even as poorly as I do, has taken its toll on my flesh. Your pains are my pains; your failures are my failures. Your triumphs are the Lord's, which we celebrate. But I wish I could do more for you, I truly do. I only ask that if you come to join our community, you leave all the baggage of the world behind you and take on the lowliest position, no matter what your tasks are. In this way, we can please Jesus and grow healthy as souls knit together for one purpose, the Glory of God.

Lord Jesus, have you anything to say?

Jesus began, "I have wanted to tell you these things for a very long time. Some of you, I have brought here to clean the world out of your souls, because you have asked Me to. You received the grace to want to live a holy life and you left the world, physically. But what you do not understand is that you have years of built-up ways of looking at others and sizing them up. That is My job. Your job is to love them unconditionally, make them feel good about being here, and prove your respect through the way you address them and the way you respond to their needs.

"I know some of you are in over your heads. But when I called you here, I also made provision to equip you to stand and go through a boot camp, of sorts. Please continue to trust Me and harken to My voice in these messages. Clare is no better than you. In fact, quite the contrary. She has less solid virtue than any one of you. But she is willing to die to herself to be an example for you. I honor her commitment.

"And do not think for a moment that her trials have been any less than yours. I have taken her apart, brick by brick, and cleaned out much of the world's detestable ways from her heart. If she can stand and allow Me to do that work in her, I KNOW that you can.

"So, I ask you to reform your ways, confess your sins to one another. In all humility, ask forgiveness of one another. Seek understanding with Clare and Ezekiel about the process you are going through. You are loved and going to a better place, but without the baggage of the world on board.

"I am for you, always and forever. I have chosen you to serve My purposes. Only be patient with Me while I form you into the exquisite soul I dreamt of you becoming the day you were created. Do not turn back. You will never be sorry.

"I bless you now with My strength, My Humility, and My attitude of Servanthood. Only just believe and walk in this gifts."