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July 23, 2020

Well my precious family, I have been asking lately, "Lord they need to hear more about my faults and flaws." Well He didn't take long to expose a major flaw that could have destroyed the community.-- --

We have people here who are experienced in life and those who are not. One particular young man, who is very dedicated to the Lord, in fact he is the one who left everything one night to come here. He had written me and due to the volume of correspondence I had not gotten back to him for almost a year I think it was. Well when I sent him an e-mail, he responded, we talked on the phone and immediately he left all his possessions, got on a bus and landed here, the next day. Little did I know the challenges ahead of us. We didn't have anyone here quite as young so I think it got pretty lonely for him. He had a very traumatic childhood, being raised in his early years in a drug house with a lot of violence and beatings. Sometimes he would go for days without eating and dared not tell his mother he was hungry or he would be beaten. When he shared this with me, I started to understand why at times, he seemed hesitant.

He was helping me with housekeeping, but he had never done that before. When he went to live with his grandmother, she would not allow him to lift a finger to do any chores. Oh boy.... So, we had to start from scratch, and I have a strong perfectionistic tendency, I have to fight all the time. Poor thing, no matter how hard he tried there was always something I found an issue with. Shame on me. I also have a great love for him, so I tried to encourage and shared my faults with him frequently. But more than anything, he needed my unconditional love...the love he never got from his real mother.-- --

As time went on, I got more and more impatient with him, and I could see myself turning into a monster. Finally, the Lord apprehended my husband Ezekiel and he told me clearly that I was not pleasing to the Lord by acting this way and the fault was not that he was too slow, the fault was that I am impatient and prone to judgment. That very day, as I opened the missal for a mass reading, it fell on the unforgiving servant.-- --

Beginning in Matthew 18:21

21 Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. 23 "For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. 24 When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25 But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. 26 So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.' 27 And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.

28 But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, 'Pay back what you owe.' 29 So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, 'Have patience with me and I will repay you.' 30 But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. 31 So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. 32 Then summoning him, his lord said to him, 'You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?' 34 And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. 35 My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart."

Community is not about what you accomplish, it is about the journey of brotherly love and being transformed into little I demonstrated with My life, My love, forgiveness and patience with others, so must you do the same. You cannot lead without compassion and understanding. You must always put yourself in the other's shoes and walk in deep understanding.

Your patience with others must be as deep and inexhaustible as My patience with you. As the shepherd is, so go the sheep. Because of your serious fault of impatience, you are showing others how they too should act towards their brothers and sisters. This was to be a major entrance point for a critical spirit to take over the community. You must not allow any foothold of judgment to enter in Clare. And you know I just want to make a comment here, this thing grew in me. It was strong. I could feel a very strong reaction and a constant deep reaction to this person. It was ugly, it was really ugly and it was strong and it struck me why is this so strong and the reason it was strong it was because it was a demon, it was demonic and it was put in motion to divide the community. Jesus continued, beloved, this is not a scolding this is warning to keep your heart loving and pure even as My Mother's because what you do teaches others to do the same. This is how Satan works, he finds your weaknesses and character flaws and plays them until you are in a full-scale war with your flesh, you are covered in effluent and it is spilling out over others. Impatience comes from self-interest. You want something done well and quickly, yet community life is not about getting things done but about brotherly love and this is what I do with you Clare, and so you must do this unto others.

Look at the cause, understand the forces at work, make exceptions to accommodate the slow response and lack of enthusiasm. Go for the root of the problem as I know you try to do.-- -- Provide remedies, especially with time to reform. Weight the pros and cons, knowing that in My eyes, you fall grossly short of who you should be, and yet I haven't sent you away. I work with you. Oh, how important it is My children to know the depths of your own faults and sins.-- -- Without that knowledge you will become proud, self-righteous and not fit for this calling.

Look at your issues with self-denial in long have I waited for you to change and just how much effort have you given it? Not enough, is My answer. I do not say this to condemn you, I say it to get you into the proper perspective when dealing with the short comings of others. Be as patient with them as I am with you in matters of food. This should give you a revolutionary perspective about who you are and who you are not. Remember the four-year-old child hiding in a hole in the ground, dirty, smelly and completely lost? Remember the vision I gave you of your condition? Yeah that was a vision that He gave me a short time after oh what was the name of that Iraqi general who was hiding in the ground, they caught him finally...Saddam Hussein. It wasn't long after that, that the Lord gave me a vision of myself being very much like that but being a dirty little four-year-old with totally not knowing anything. Remember the vision I gave you of your condition? This will tame both your impatience and critical streak. Boot these demons out of your life Clare and they will not take a foothold in the community. As the shepherd goes, so go the sheep. Remember this Beloved, always.

I am so very sorry Lord; I promise with your help to conquer this ugliness.

I forgive you sweet spouse, and I impart to you now, the very graces you need to conquer these faults. And when I see not one wisp of judgment in your heart towards anyone, even your enemies, whom you have many of, I will help you with the grace for fasting as well.

Thank you, Lord, I love you.

And I love you more than you could ever imagine. We shall conquer this together.