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September 19, 2020

Hello brothers and sister and YouTube family. Hope you guys are being blessed.

I believe it has been a rough time for many of us but he is doing a deep work of purity and pruning in us all if we would allow it. However, at times knowing that doesn't make it that much easier. The messages you all have heard were from about a week ago and that's why the messages have been spotty on the channel. It seemed the Lord became very silent with me. I know Blessed Mother mentioned that there are others who want to speak to us in heaven when I am not hearing from him but to keep my heart open and my hands clean to receive that grace. I found myself feeling so dry in his presence and even in prayer, just silence from him. To make matters worse I began to get rhema's and readings from him that seemed to be always corrective and admonishing me. I had been feeling so discouraged the past week and was looking to be encouraged that I may have strength to go on. However, it didn't feel like I was getting that from Jesus. He is my best friend, my confidant. My counselor, my boo as I call him. He is my everything so when I am not right with Jesus, I am just not right.

I would sit before him in adoration and I would hear Holy Spirit give me psalms. The first day was plasma 5, the next day was Psalm 13 which read "

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts

and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,

and my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing the Lord's praise,

for he has been good to me.

Then following day was Psalm 69. All these psalms continued to confirm the feeling that Jesus was hiding himself from me. I began to really examine my conscience and with the rhema's I was getting repenting of my sins and of the ways that I had offended the Lord. I would be hurting and when I went before him it seemed to feel like another admonishment even with the songs Holy Spirit picked. I then began to have resentment in my heart towards Jesus, I know guys but just being honest it's not pretty. There were days where I felt like I couldn't look at him although I came before him my heart wasn't right. Then there were other days I came anyway like a child wanted to be held by their Father and other days a bride wanting to me loved by her spouse. However, all I felt was coldness and silence, but I still kept coming hoping he would finally breakthrough. Then I got a reading this particular morning from St. Faustina book Diary of Divine Mercy in my soul about her willingness to submit to Gods will whatever that maybe it read

"Jesus- Host, whom I have this very moment received into my heart, through this union with You I offer myself to the Heavenly Father as sacrificial host abandoning myself totally and completely to the most merciful and holy will of my God. From today onward your will, Lord is my food. Take my whole being dispose of me as You please. Whatever your father hand gives me, I will accept with submission peace and joy, I fear nothing, no matter in what direction You lead me helped by Your grace I will carry out erecting You demand of me. I no longer fear any of Your inspiration nor do probe anxiously to see where they will lead me. Lead me, O God, alongside whatever roads You please; I have placed all my trust in Your will which is for me, love and mercy itself.

Bid me to stay in this convent, I will stay; bid me to undertake the work, I will undertake it, leave me in uncertainty about the work until I die, be blessed; give me death and when humanly speaking my life seems particularly necessary be blessed. Should you take me in my youth be blessed should you let me live to a ripe old age, be blessed. Should You give me health and strength, be blessed, should You confine me to a bed of pain for my whole life be blessed. Should you give only failures and disappointments in life, be blessed. Should You allow my purest intentions to be condemned, be blessed, Should You enlighten my mind, be blessed. Should you leave me in darkness and all kinds of torments be blessed

From this moment on, I live in the deepest peace because the Lord Himself is carrying me in the hollow of His hand. He, Lord of unfathomable mercy, knows that I desire Him alone in all things, always and everywhere."

After that I began to hear Jesus speaking as I came before him to begin writing

Jesus if this darkness I feel I am in is your will then I submit to this. I keep thinking at least speak a word for the sake of our children, but if that is not in your will Lord I submit to that

Jesus began,

"I am right here my beloved little one. I have never left; this is all for souls beloved souls. I wanted you to experience what many souls are feeling in this hour. So many are lost, evading my presence and are under so much condemnation from the devils to give up. They are in need of much of my grace to sustain them and to cause them to not wander completely away from me to be lost forever. This is a cross I am wanting you to carry my little one so these precious souls can draw to me."

Lord I am willing to do anything if it pleases you and especially for souls. It's just been so hard when I felt under constant admonishment and correction from you. I've been looking for a word of encouragement to keep me going, but it seems I just couldn't find any from you Lord. It did feel as though you were hiding from me and hiding your love because I felt such coldness although I know it's impossible for you to do that.

Jesus responded,

"My beloved little one knows that I will never take my love away from you. It is my love that sustains even life on this earth and within mankind. Everything is held by my love dear one and you are greatly loved and cherished. Remember this past week you've been having a burning desire to see lost souls come to me. You have cried in the wee hours asking me, Lord how can I draw more souls to you, more souls to your love that none would perish do you remember?

Here guys he is referencing to the burning desire he put in my heart after listening to Mary Baxter revelation on Hell. She was taken to Heaven and Hell for 30 days straight so that she may come back and tell the world of Jesus and that hell is real. I will provide the link to her audio book in the description. There were so many souls crying out to God for mercy in hell and Jesus was even crying at times. It made me cry as it was too late for so many souls. One soul was in was raised in witchcraft and asked Jesus for mercy. Jesus then looked up to heaven and said" Father mercy, please have mercy" and the flames in hell died down for a little while. I was amazed at Gods mercy thinking I too have witchcraft in my family and it could've easily have been me instead if it wasn't God's mercy and grace over my life even in my mother's womb. There were so many, even Christians who once knew the gospel but didn't live it and died in sin. Jesus told Ms. Baxter to please share her message so many souls would repent and receive his mercy for salvation. I began to think Lord what more can I do, please I want the whole world to know about your love and infinite mercy that souls wouldn't go to hell or follow Satan.

So, I responded,

Yes, Lord I remember I didn't know what more I could do I. know here on the mountain our prayers of intercession are powerful and so is sharing your love thru these messages.

Jesus continued,

"Well my little one, I answered and this is how by you carrying this cross of dryness, of pervading darkness and weariness out of love for me. So that many souls you are birthing and many others would taste the sweetness of my presence. That they may enter into a lively hope and faith in me and be greatly encouraged to persevere and go on. I know how much you love me and even that is all by my grace, but I know that you would never leave my side little one. So, I could trust you with this cross whereas many would continue on in their resentment, bitterness and eventually turn back to the world. I knew you would just keep coming, loving, enduring and sitting before my feet until breakthrough happened because you know I need to speak with you as much as you need to hear from me. That's why I permitted this my love to answer the cry of your heart so that many souls would come to me and many have. Stay encouraged my little one and endure a bit longer graces are falling on many, drawing them near and closer to my wounded heart. Which bring me such consolation and comfort."

Thank you, Lord, for your words of peace and love Jesus. You're my best friend, my everything. if I'm not right with you I am not right at all. I need you desperately and love you so very much! Please help me to always bless you in whatever state you desire to leave my soul, please help me in this.

Jesus responded,

"I will beloved one, I will and I am even now. For there will be many more times I will ask you to carry a cross like this beloved, you submitting to my will is the most pleasing thing to me and the Father."

Yes, Lord thank you, Lord do you have a word for our family, our children?

Jesus continued,

"My beloved faithful ones many of you are so very weary and I have heard the sighs of your heart as you continue to keep coming, keep praying, and keep believing. Even in your failures and even in your discouragement, My dear ones don't give up, breakthrough is right around the corner. Persecution has broken out upon my body as demons continue to lie to my precious faithful ones that I am not pleased. That I am, but a harsh task master that demands but doesn't give and that you are a failure, you can't seem to do anything right. These are lies, lies, lies cast down these useless thoughts and send the demons back to the abyss where they belong. If you are finding yourself still in your trial know that I am right there with you. Never once have you been alone or will you be left alone. Remember all these things I have permitted; it is not because you have done something wrong or that I am upset with you that is far from the truth. It's rather because you have been faithful with the small things and I can entrust you with this heavy cross because I know you won't leave me. I know you won't curse my name like the devils want you too and I know you won't give up and go back to the world. As the demons continuously taunt and torment you with a life that could be much better without me. However, my dear ones you have tasted the sweetness of my presence. You have seen my faithfulness; you have accepted my love and invitation to go much deeper and I know nothing else satisfies you. So as much as the devils taunt you, you are growing in stature and in faith. As you remain steadfast in who I am and receive my grace that will sustain you through these trails, you will overcome. Allow my grace to carry you through this storm knowing that there are many souls being nourished and saved through this cross you have consented to carry for love of me. I love you my beloved brides and I am so pleased. Come and sit with me, there I am always waiting to hold you so tenderly as I strengthen you when you rest your weary head on my heart. There I will nourish you with the vine of my love"

That was the end of Jesus message

As I shared this with my roommate, she mentioned that in the audio book "The Life of the Virgin Mary" which complies stories of Mary's life with Jesus to 4 saints. Blessed Mother told them that Jesus allowed such a similar trial and cross with her too when Jesus was just a youth coming from Egypt. He tested her in this way by not speaking to her only out of necessity and even when he spoke it was with such coldness. He even avoided her and this lasted for 30 days. Imagine a son ignoring his Mother, but further imagine a Savior hiding himself from his creature that he loves so much. Their hearts where united however, he hid his thoughts even from her all those days. Mary humbled herself even further and began to examine her heart to see if there is anything, she had done to offend her Savior, although without sin in her great humility she said nothing but was in deep agony over this. She took it to the Lord in prayer asking God the Father to please forgive her if she had offended him in anyway. She recognized that If God wasn't speaking to her it was his will and for a good reason. After the 30 days Jesus finally broke the silence and told his Mother that it was a test of her love as she was flooded with consolation and knowledge of the mysteries of heaven in his presence, she kissed his feet. Wow, what an amazing example Mary gives us to be and to respond just as she did when the Lord hides himself from us. We who are with sin should humble ourselves even more to submit to whatever the Lord permits. Help us sweet Blessed Mother to respond as you did when we find ourselves feeling hidden from God.

"Lord, when, misery tries to make me believe you've abandoned me, help me to let go of fear and to trust that you hold me indoor loving embrace. Amen"

Hospitality Acts 20:35