My Rebellious Attitude

April 30, 2021

May the Lord bring joy and wonder into your lives as we enter this spring season, and continue to give us strength and patience. Amen

This past week Ezekiel had a bout with pain that was off all the charts. He knew he was suffering for something very, very important as his pain became his prayer. But when he suffers, I too suffer, it brings me to my knees emotionally. Jesus had given me warnings that this was coming. "When situations are painful beyond your means, then look to My suffering on the cross for your strength." I had gotten that a couple of times, so I should have been prepared, but how does one prepare for such agony?

Lord, I am sorry. I was angry with you for allowing Ezekiel to suffer the way he did. And when I realized that my indiscretion which was very small to the human mind, actually was part of the open door that suffering entered through, I was even more upset. But I knew the answer. It wasn't just the Bible markers; it was a yielding to the suggestions of avarice.

Yes, Beloved family, I still struggle Avarice. Like a little child that didn't get her cookie, I pitched a fit and dropped my circumcised eating to indulge in desserts. I believe the naughty little girl inside of me was saying, "Well, since I had to suffer so much, I deserve a reward." I even stooped to the lowest place by asking one of our sisters to make it for me. Guilty, guilty, guilty. And of course, along with that came a withdrawal from the Lord. Thus, no messages for you precious family. I am so very sorry, please forgive me.

When I awoke this morning, all I wanted to do was get right with Jesus. I missed Him and I felt very badly that I had hurt Him by my attitude towards Him. He gave me a reading from the Rhema book last night that hit conviction on the head:

Lukewarm...Little Foxes Spoil the Vine, January 27, 2016

I've been feeling something wasn't quite right between He and I, in spite of the beautiful graces that He's been giving me in prayer. I've been taking little liberties here and there for my flesh, which I shouldn't be doing. And it definitely leads to Luke warmness in my own heart to some degree. So, I'm going to share that with you, because this is probably one of the most important things you can keep an eye on in ourselves.

"It's the little foxes that spoil the vine, My Love." Jesus began. "The little things you do that you know you shouldn't do. They are proofs of self-love and Luke warmness towards Me."

Yes, Lord, I am very convicted. I thought just a little exception for the flesh here and a little there, 'no big deal.'

He continued, "Wrong. VERY big deal. I see where Satan gets in slowly so you don't notice you are going off track. After all, you're not going into debt or buying a corvette...it's just a chocolate bar for Pete's sake.

He continued, "You know how it feels when you nick your finger and it bleeds. It takes a few days to heal, especially if it's on a knuckle. In the meantime, it hurts. It makes your whole hand hurt. Even though it's not life threatening, it mars your body's performance. And it's a distraction.

"It is the same way in relationships. Little indifferences hurt. When they accumulate, they do damage, and that damage has to be repaired. You've been given so many graces, Clare. There really is no excuse for you taking liberties that injure our relationship. Although you do have a very real enemy egging you on into these things, still you can say, 'NO!' when these little indiscretions are proposed to you.

"It's not like you're under a strong physical or chemical compulsion. It's more like 'I want that.' You could deny yourself as a sign of your love for Me. I honor each time you do that. So, you see indifference leads to Luke warmness...and you have it in your power not to allow that."

So, Lord - how do I get out of this?"

"Deny yourself more, go deeper. Eventually you'll have a breakthrough and a restoration of My Sweet presence. Show Me that you care, Beloved. I know you've made serious life choices to honor Me. But understand: it is the little foxes that spoil even the finest of vines. The higher you go, the longer down the fall, the more damage that is done to yourself, to Me and to others."

I replied, "Stupid flesh, it seems like I am forever fighting it."

"When you make the decision to renounce yourself, in total, then the walk will be easier. It's the little allowances you make for the flesh that are not strong compulsions, that are so damaging. For the compulsions, I give grace as well. I understand when your body needs something like chocolate. I give you slack at those times, because you are simply too weak.

"How marvelous it would be if you weren't that weak. But I use it to help with humility. Now, I know how badly you feel, but you are not out of the woods yet. Not until you totally renounce yourself. And I might add, even when you've done that, you can still fall.

"Much is tied up in humility, My Love. You need to practice mindful humility. In other words, take every thought captive, lift up others deliberately and abase yourself. Then abstinence will become easier. The lowlier you become, the more protection and grace I will impart to you."

Wow, that bears repeating, "The lowlier you become, the more protection and grace I will impart to you." Yes, I have known that pride causes the Lord to lower His protection, and opens us to a fall.

"You have been catching yourself in pride lately. That's always a sign that a downgrade is on the way, so to speak. Littleness, littleness, littleness. The littler the better. You should have experienced My mother's littleness. It's not like anything known on Earth, it is so far from what you call humility now. If anyone could have been any tinier in My eyes, I would have chosen them.

"It was truly her knowledge of the Father that caused her to abase herself. She saw herself much as I see her. Very, very, very little, insignificant and void of every merit. She attributed every good thing to the Father and kept nothing for herself. She saw all others as more virtuous than herself and not for one moment did, she dare to look up and pass judgement. She was steeped in charity and compassion.

"All of you, My Brides, could have learned from her example. But you have My example of continual brokenness, humility, charity and understanding. Although I could have passed judgment on the harlot, I chose not to. You see? That's the Father's job. Go now, My love, and get some rest. we will begin anew tomorrow." That was the entire message.

Returning to the subject at hand, the way I rebelled after seeing Ezekiel in so much pain, I actually harbored resentment in my heart that God allowed him to suffer that way. And I gave myself permission to raise a protest by eating favorite foods. When someone mentioned Psalm 78 it says, "Their hearts were not constant toward him; they were not faithful to his covenant, 38 But God being compassionate forgave their sin; he did not utterly destroy them. Time and again he turned back his anger, unwilling to unleash all his rage. 39 He remembered that they were flesh, a breath that passes on and does not return."

I am so very grateful for His mercy, but I don't want to take Him for granted. In fact, just a couple of days ago, He brought up the topic of the Fear of God. And I realized, I have gotten so close to Him that I am very much in danger of presumption. And when the pain was off the charts for Ezekiel, I was reminded of how little and insignificant I truly am. How fearful and wonderful is our Lord, but He desires that we should come to Him as little children and not be frightened. Jesus, please speak to Your little girl.

This Rhema card came up just now, "Take courage, the master is calling you."

Yes Beloved, I am calling to you. You have no idea how much I miss you when you are upset with Me. I long to be reconciled dear one. I long to hear your trusting voice speaking sweet words to Me and even asking difficult questions. Thank you for forgiving Me. I also forgive you My dear one. Let there never be any rancor or obstacle between us, I too live for the joy of communing with My creatures, even the littlest ones who misunderstand My good intentions. I know My Beloved ones that you do not always understand the necessity of suffering, and this will most probably remain partially a mystery to you until you see the fruit in Heaven. Never the less, I too have an abhorrence of pain, did I not say, "Father if it is possible, allow this cup to pass by Me, yet not My will but Yours be done."

I saw the pain coming and I too despised it. However, I knew the joy that would follow in the heels of it, namely, you with Me through all eternity, never to be parted again.

When these things approach you Beloved, they come with a grace for you to endure it without crumbling as well as many graces going out to other souls who would have otherwise been lost to us in Eternity.

When you wrap your mind around this and accept it in humble adoration of My Father's will, you bring Me great consolation and glory. Someday you will see the graces flowing out from your wounds, that is the sufferings of your flesh and heart. Pain is indeed a very great sacrifice, and I do not take that sacrifice lightly, I am forever indebted to you for cooperating with My plan for mankind.

I bless you now in your hearing ears with the graces of forbearance as each of you lovingly lifts your own very special cross to your shoulders. Carry it with Me, accompany Me, My Bride in this lonely journey to bring the lost into My Kingdom.