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April 24, 2015

The Lord has asked me to share with you what happened last night, and the reason I wasn't able to leave you a message this morning - or yesterday morning.

I came into prayer as usual and felt very, very close to the Lord, and He told me it was time for us to write. We had been slow dancing for a while; He'd been holding me real gently. Everything was very normal. The peace was there, His voice was strong, and I usually have a little apprehension until He gets deeply into the message and I catch the thread of what He is saying - then the words fall together much more easily. Sometimes it's like batting my way out of layer after layer of saran wrap. Sometimes I don't know what word is going to come from Him next and I just have to write it down one word at a time.

Other times it's a thread and a sense and things go very smoothly. I am extremely cautious of who I am talking with, I am very much on guard. I have had to be, because I've been fooled before, so now it's almost like walking on thin ice...testing it to make sure it will hold me.

Sometimes I just have to press on through - it's hard guys, it really is hard - it's a test of faith. I remember when He first told me He wanted to speak to me every night, for all of you...that was a real challenge, I wasn't used to anticipating a word every night.

Carol can tell you, I had to Skype her and get her to pray for me - as well as Ezekiel, because I didn't know if the ice would hold me. I sensed the Lord there for me but the layers of saran wrap had to be moved out of the way. I guess you could equate them with static, or opposition or poor tuning, or timidity - I'm not really sure. And tuning in to the Lord's channel.

Anyway, she and Ezekiel both ended up saying to me, "You've just got to push through." There's no easy way, it is what it is. Trust and push through the fear, insecurity, keep going until the two of you connect, because you know this is His will." So that's what I had to do, and it wasn't easy.

So, back to last night. Things began very much that way, pushing through until the flow was established. But what was different last night is that I wasn't comfortable with the message. The content began to bother me, but every time I would protest this content - that I didn't like it, this 'Jesus' would tell me to be obedient, that He had His reasons. And thinking back, that may have been the Lord, actually. Well, when I read through the message it seemed to flow and it seemed to have the weight of truth, but I wasn't at all comfortable with the content. Because it brought up something I thought we had closure to. So, I was iffy.

I am so blessed to have a mature and discerning man of God to cover me and help me stay in His will. Ezekiel was seeking the Lord on my behalf during this whole time, because he also had qualms about the content and finally he shared that with me. When Ezekiel shared with me that he wasn't comfortable with the content, we just put it down and I said, "That's it. We're not going to use this. We're just going to put it down and sleep on it." And in the morning, when we woke up, the answer from the Lord through our different channels of discernment was the same - that this message was NOT from Him.

I can see now more clearly, everything that was said in the message was true - but it was not what Jesus wanted to say, it was a counterfeit and I was under attack. I really hate it when that happens, it is so un-nerving and it is very, very hard to recover from because you feel that your trust has been breached. But the Lord allowed it for a reason.

For one, I didn't pray the binding prayer before I began writing, I felt like we were already connected and I didn't need to. Big mistake. I left myself uncovered. That prayer was inspired by the Lord and I was lazy, I didn't bother with it. I thought, aww...we'll be O.K.

Normally I would be very upset about the whole incident, because now it was too late to receive another message or so I thought, and I had nothing to give you. But what was different, was that I felt a peace about it. My kitty, who the Lord uses to bring me comfort, got on my case when I went to bed. I mean, he would not stop licking me, purring, stroking my hair, and making kitty biscuits. Normally he carries on like that for a minute or two before we fall asleep, but tonight it must have been a good 15 minutes of pure kitty comfort.

I just had a sense that the Lord was in this whole thing and He had a very specific reason for allowing it, so I was at peace...relatively, anyway.

In the morning, Jesus gave Ezekiel the perfect message for all of you, and I felt confident that it was quite true. I needed to hear it, "The Lord did begin to speak to her last night, but she was afraid she was just still too close to the recent events to hear Him clearly, and she did not want to pass along to you anything that may have contained strains of her own emotions or feelings." That's a very, very, very good explanation, even though at the time I wasn't aware of having feelings in the direction of the message, that I wasn't comfortable with. In fact, I was really uncomfortable with the whole thing.

So wow, that was so comforting to hear! He did speak, but somehow it got off track. And when Ezekiel prayed for my heart tonight before I came to listen for the Lord, he saw an angel removing several darts from my heart and Jesus stepping in and rubbing balm on it until it was completely restored. I have to tell you I needed that. I'd been crying most of the night, just really feeling like a little insecure waif, wondering if things would be back to normal tonight. Ezekiel just opened one of our prayer books to, "Speak Lord, your servant is listening." That gave me the courage to wait expectantly on Him.

One more thing I want to tell you, this is the critical point in any one who is aspiring to have intimacy with the Lord. When you miss the mark, it can be so devastating that you just give up and never come back. It takes a lot of resolve to pick up and try again, and again, and again. And to know that at any time you could fall into error. Our hearts have to be very clean and unattached to our own opinions or feelings. Projected thoughts and emotions from inside of us can truly mess it up. So, when you fall, please, don't give up. When you fell off your bike as you were learning to ride you didn't give up. So don't give up here either. Sooner or later it will go much better.

So, that was all I had to say. And then the Lord began to speak tonight, "That was good, thank you for sharing that. I really need you to know that discernment is no picnic and perhaps one of the most disheartening things a soul can go through is to hear from a beguiling spirit. That is why I have taken great pains to provide prayers for you that work. Although, if I am wanting to humble a soul, the prayers will not cover them.

"Dear Ones, I am so in love with all of you, but I must have you to know what you are asking of Me will not come easily or overnight."

Now at this point I have to tell you that I was really wanting to make sure that I was hearing the Lord, and I stopped. And when I stopped, He took my face in His hands and He became very, very clear. His eyes and nose, His whole face just became so clear. And He said, "I know this is difficult, but please trust Me. I AM with you. Please. Trust Me."

So, I grabbed my little Bible Promise book and I thought, 'I'm going to go to the Bible Promises for a confirming word.' And I opened to Holy Spirit. So, Whoo! I took a deep breath and finished writing this paragraph. So I'll go back to that.

"Dear Ones, I am so in love with all of you, but I must have you to know what you are asking of Me will not come easily or overnight. There is much training that goes into learning how to hear Me. You have to be willing to fail, again and again and again. You have to be willing to leave your expectations of what you would like to say, outside the door to your heart. There cannot be any hidden agendas or opinions, or you will never be able to tune in and hear Me clearly."

I said, "Lord, what happened last night?"

"I gave you over to a familiar spirit because I wanted to demonstrate how I pull a soul out of the pit of error. Besides, the humility does you good."

Oh thanks! I can laugh now, but you know I've cried all day.

"And your tears were mixed with Mine. I am so sorry you had to go through this, but it was for a good cause.

"And to you My Brides I must say, this gift will not come easily and you will suffer much as it is developing, but don't you think it's worth it?"

I asked Him, "And what about the darts in my heart?"

"They were slander and accusation. By the way, whether a soul hears them or not, it still hits the mark of their heart. Like the ripple effect, the words reach their target in the soul and bring pain to that soul without them always knowing the source ."

So, that is why I've been so weepy the past four or five days?

"Exactly. You were grieving and I think you picked up on the source when I gave your readings from the Scriptures, but you tended to block them out. And by the way, it is always better to think the best about other souls than to falsely accuse them."

And I chimed in there, "Yes, I know that for sure."

I don't think there is anything uglier than me accusing someone falsely. I have seen that before and it's just terrible how it makes me feel. I have learned the hard way. I've had to decide, you know what? I don't need to know, I don't need to have all the answers - it is better to be ignorant than to accuse someone who is innocent. And the devils are something else, I'll tell you! They'll put it in your head that your best friend or someone that the Lords wants you to minister to is actually gossiping behind your back or is actually your enemy.

The devils are very clever about accusing other people of mal-intent. You can't - I can't trust my intuition in the sense of someone said something, or someone did something - I can't trust my intuition, 'cause it's proven to be wrong so many times. So it's just better to be ignorant, you know, than to target somebody and say, "Well, they must be gossiping about me."

I have to battle with my obsessive curiosity and pride that thinks it just has to know what's going on....

I looked at Jesus and I said, "Oh Lord, when will it ever stop!!!?"

"In Heaven. Soon..."

Oh, thanks. I've heard that "soon" word for a long time..

"I see you're not asking Me how soon...."

Yeah, because I know You won't tell me anyway!

"That's never stopped you before?"

Well, I guess, I've learned my lesson then.

"Well...VERY Soon."

Thank you Lord, but...

"You've heard that before..."

"How did you know?

"Oh, I have a good memory!"

I smiled.

"That's what I wanted to see Clare. I wanted to see your smile again. Forgive Me for putting you through this humiliating trial."

But You are God, there is nothing to forgive.

"I know, but I want you to know that I don't enjoy watching you suffer. That's all."

Lord...I forgive You. I know it is for the best.

Well guys, my head is swimming, I need to put it to bed.

"Lord, may we have a blessing?"

"My Dear Ones - never forsake Me, never think the worst about Me, know that always I am looking after your best interests and everything I do or allow in your lives is for the best, this you will see in Heaven. Be courageous. Be faithful. Be loving. I bless you with these gifts."

Amen, thank You, Lord.