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May 24, 2015

The Lord bless you, Youtube family. I'm almost 100% over here, and I thank you profoundly for your prayers for us. I so appreciate it, it was kind of a rough transition, but your prayers made it so much easier. I'm almost back...! A little wobbly still, but almost there.

Despite my best efforts to change the subject, the Lord wants to talk about jealousy. Was not what I was expecting, I was looking for something pretty and fluffy, you know? Oh well...

So, we had our time, worship time and He was just so sweet, and ever so present.

He began,

"I want to talk about Jealousy."

And I objected... I said, "Oh Lord, please - can't we talk about something pretty?" And I had gone to discern it - Ezekiel and I both discerned it, and it was the Lord.

So, He said, "Please Clare, this is what I want to talk don't see it but it has raised its ugly head."

"I want My Brides to be ever so careful not to be drawn into jealousy. I tell you the truth, there is a Spirit of Jealousy that has been turned loose on this channel and My heart is grieved. Now, I want you all to know right now, the only reason I have chosen this vessel is that she is a complete failure. So there's no room for jealousy there.

"All of you work to be successful but find you miss the mark. Well, she's no different. So, there is nothing to be jealous of. All of you can have what she has - but you must be willing to work for it. I'm here for you all, I garland each of you with flowers of love, the most fragrant and your very favorites. There is nothing so special about Clare, except perhaps that she has worked for Me full-time for over 30 years without any outward recognition or reward. Now is her time to spread My fragrance abroad. Your support of her is a wonderful thing and each of you are gathering fruit with Me through her channel. You have a reward to look forward to in Heaven because of your support.

"My Brides, I have the most wonderful blessings waiting for you if you will avail yourself of Me. If you will set the time aside and be devoted to Me in obedience. There is nothing I will not give you as you mature into the fullness of who I have called you to be. This will continue on into Heaven as we walk the roads of Paradise hand in hand. Each of you has secret, unfulfilled dreams and desires. These are waiting for you in Heaven - you will be so totally fulfilled, nothing will be lacking to you. On this Earth there are yet obstacles in the way of fulfilling your desires, but in Heaven, nothing will prevent you - everything will be for you. So, I am asking you now, do not fall prey to divisive and jealous spirits.

"Please, please, find your joy and fulfillment in your time with Me. I will instruct you and lead you on paths of righteousness where you will blossom and bear fruit. You will be satisfied and happy right where you are. All that is needed is obedience and work - working with the grace I give you in that moment, and applying yourself to the task at hand. And My grace is sufficient for you in your weakness. As you work to your limit, I increase your 'limit' and you continue to expand and grow. But work is necessary."

Wow, Lord this is a surprise to me, but you are never wrong. So, can I share something?

"I was hoping you would, transparency is pretty important here."

It's quite a mark of distinction to be labeled a failure by God, but I accept it. He has the wisdom and perspective of eternity to judge by - and He's never, ever wrong.

Some have remarked on our marriage and would like to have that kind of relationship with their husbands. First of all, I married the wrong man, had four children, and after he left me because of my spirituality, I did everything in my power to be unattractive to the other sex, and waited five years for the Lord to bring the right man. Then it took ten years of just about hell for the two of us to work out our problems together until we could live together and work together without jealousy or contention. I was a prideful, headstrong ex-professional from San Francisco . He was Irish from Texas and a very sensitive and gifted musician and lover of Jesus.

It was absolute torture for twelve years. It's a miracle we survived, but...Jesus told me to hang in there. So we did. Our success was that we were both submitted to the Lord, and He would show us the error of our ways as we stumbled along and we would apologize to one another.

Some of you have remarked on my voice. Oh... if only you knew the suffering I went through with being so unsatisfied with the way I sounded! I wanted to give up time and time again - and I still have my moments. I wanted to give up, because I just couldn't get my voice to do what I wanted. Then the Lord informed me, "You're lazy." And chided me with other remarks about not working hard enough. And sure enough, after what I considered A LOT OF WORK I started to sound the way I wanted to.

My point? Jealousy and laziness go hand in hand. How can I be so sure about that? I've lived it, year after year, (and I'm 69 now...) being jealous of others with gifts that were thriving when I was stuck in a corner and overlooked or put down. Everything seemed out of my reach: playing the piano and singing simultaneously seemed impossible to me! Playing the piano at all was almost impossible to me, and having instruments on a keyboard to arrange with? I needed that, because I could hear all these different parts. That wasn't my doing - that was a gift from God. Things began to change... In fact, I have to tell you. They had to lay, this prayer group had to lay hands on me three different times for me to be able to figure out how to run a recording program. AND to sing, and everything else. It was really, really something... TOTAL work of Grace.

Things began to change when the Lord brought me a keyboard. Then it seemed like my duties were overwhelming and preventing me from getting to my keyboard. And that was poor planning on my part and allowing myself to be overly involved in insignificant activities - my own fault. When I wanted to give up on the keyboard again, I got chided, "You're lazy. You can do this if you work steadily at it - the tortoise and the hare, remember?" 'Cause the Lord has always given me that example of the tortoise and the hare. Well, I've always been the wild march hare...and scorned the lowly tortoise. It is so like me, to want to run circles around the tortoise...

So, I had some serious attitude adjustments to go through.

For the gifts I've been given I should be much further ahead in my skills. But I allowed myself to be drawn off track by trifles. That's why He tells you the truth - I have been a failure. But the Lord would come and instruct me and show me what I was doing with my time and how to make better choices, which He still does to this day because I am still drawn off track so easily.

So, I began to make noticeable headway and find some satisfaction in my songs. After a LOT of work, much more work than should have been necessary.

Then I would see others with gifts chosen over me time and time again. And I'd wonder...why Lord? And He would tell me, "It's not time yet." And I knew very well I had lots of character growth to go through, as I still do. At those times the temptation to quit or slack off was sometimes too much and I'd get lazy again. I'd listen to voices like, 'You're too old - 60. You're too sick - Fibromyalgia. You're too poor - hmmm. We won't talk about that...' And I'd have to fight those off. The Lord would show me that everything He has called me to do, He has equipped me to do. Right now - so those lies wouldn't stick.

Oh, the struggles are endless, especially because the failures were so obvious. I'd lose heart over my failures. But the Lord would come in again and again, "Where you are weak, I am strong. Keep going." So, I'd dust myself off, dry my tears of self-pity, and get up again. Eventually I would have breakthroughs. He'd tell me, "There's a breakthrough coming - keep working, keep working!"

When I began this channel, for instance, He told me to do a 5 part series on the sins I saw in the Body and He gave me the titles and explained what He wanted. I had no idea about speaking in front of a camera, no training. I might add, I'm a high school dropout so I've had no training in speech or anything else. But somehow He gave me the grace to be able to make sense in front of the camera. And I could feel it - it was a Grace.

Yet, no following. Really, no one was interested. It was very discouraging to see 15 people day after day after day. Of course the first year I didn't put much on the channel because I was using my time for music. All that changed a little when He began giving me messages about the Rapture. That's a real "button" on Youtube - that's what everyone wanted to hear about. Of course, the devils tempted me to make that my focus to gain subscribers. But the Lord was so on my heart and gave me the grace to stay true to Him. All I wanted was what He wanted - I don't care about subscribers, I just wanted to make sure I obeyed what He wanted.

You know, I say I don't care about subscribers but the point is, I wasn't focused on subscribers. I was focused on getting the message out, exactly what HE wanted me to say. And I appreciate the subscribers, and it's very encouraging to have them - but if I have to talk about something that's going to cause me to lose subscribers - I'll do it. Because really, it's obedience to HIM that's important.

So, if you see growth in my channel, please don't be jealous. It's not my doing. It's totally Him. He selects the content, He gives the message, He leads us...nothing about it is me. Well, except maybe the pictures, I do love to search for pictures...but even there I finally leave off with my own devices and ask Holy Spirit to bring me the right picture. And even at that, they aren't my pictures or artwork... so what do I have to brag on? Absolutely nothing! And then, you know, I can't even begin to tell you the struggles I had about discernment, because the last thing I want to do in this world is mislead somebody. I mean, sure - part of it is I don't want to be wrong, I mean we all have that thing about, "Oh, I really blew it - it's embarrassing!" But the main focus for me is, I want to make sure I'm true to the Lord, because I think it's a grave sin to speak in the Name of the Lord - and it's NOT the Lord. So, I'm very sticky on discernment - very careful on discernment. And I go through really, really hard, hard, hard times sometimes, making sure that I haven't mislead anyone - that I haven't gotten in between in the message. Although it's less of a struggle, I'm more at peace with it - I still am on the lookout for my own insertions. We don't want that.

The whole point of our channel is to help you have a relationship with Jesus that is just so heavenly and Wonderful. And all we are doing is sharing our mistakes and our victories and how the Lord has led us. So please - tell me: what's to be jealous of? It's all Him from start to finish.

The Lord began to speak again, "Really, My Love, that is exactly what I wanted you to say. Cleave to Me, My Bride, and you will find joy in your days. Don't look around at this one or that one, and don't compare. How foolish! Don't you know you are one of a kind??? What I have invested in you from conception is a one-of-a-kind, priceless original. All that is lacking is your obedience, cooperation, and very hard work. And I do mean hard work! Rain or shine, happy or sad, being faithful in all I ask you to do. If you want success, that is what you must do. Eyes only on Me, obedience only to Me, desire only Me and what I desire. In this way I can facet My Diamond into the perfect gem that will shine its brilliant light even into the darkest corners.

"So, I have spoken about this jealousy. I want you to repent and escape the enemy's trap for your life. Listen to what My little failure has shared about her life and be encouraged. I have made all of you differently. I don't need another Clare, I need YOU. Who you uniquely are - and that will only emerge as you follow Me without looking to the left or the right and as you obey My every leading in your life. It will cost you everything. Are you willing? Then let's go! There's work to do.

"I bless you with My forgiveness and Peace. Your Hope Is In Me."