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June 20, 2015

Oh, I'm laughing - but I should be crying! New levels of obedience and new kinds of stupid...

Well, at the end of my last message on "CERN, the Hordes of Hell Have Been Released," the Lord asked me to share my new kind of rebellion and pandering to my belly and what I think is Pride. To share that with you... So, here goes.

I went to the store to pick up (you know, you guys are going to be able to see yourselves in this, I think... A lot of you are going to be able to see yourself in this. And as a result of that, you're going to have a lot more hope for yourselves than you had before! )

Today I went to the store to pick up a couple of things and thought I'd get a cream cheese coffee cake - I'd been having an urge for that. And maybe that would have enough protein and sugar so we wouldn't crash when we had our nightly sweet craving. I bought it and brought it home and tried it and it was so sweet and very little cream cheese, and rather bland. I thought, 'I could make one much better than this!'

Now, the instant I had this thought, I heard a voice, "I don't want you to do that." I thought this must not be the Lord, because I really wanted to make something not so sweet and surely He would approve of that. So, I brushed the voice off.

Well, a few minutes went by and I had to stop somewhere else on the way home, so I said to myself, "Well, I'm going right by the store. I'll just run in and pick up some cream cheese and a couple flakey dough rolls I can use for the crust." Again I heard the voice, "That's not My will...."

So, this time I began to argue with who I was beginning to think was the Lord. "Oh, come on, Lord - you can't be serious. You know how sweet that store bought coffee cake is, surely You don't want me eating that. And it'll only take a minute." So, I proceeded merrily on my way, kinda worrying about a lightning strike as I walked into the store across the parking lot.

Well, on my way home I began arguing with the Lord. "Come on, this can't be THAT wrong, I'm tired of crashing because of sugar. I know this is the healthy alternative - You can't be against that, can you? It will only take a minute to make."

I quickly purchased my cream cheese and dough and came home. Of course, Ezekiel represents Jesus in my life... so I didn't want to tell HIM what my mind was going through.

Just to prove to the Lord that it wouldn't take any time at all, I warmed up the oven and started making the filling. I unrolled the dough into the glass baking pan, and poured the cream cheese filling into it. I looked among my bags, anxiously wanting to find the other roll of dough so I could get it into the oven, but the top crust that I was going to make - the dough - was nowhere to be found. I thought to myself, 'Alright, Lord, this IS You. Did You deliberately take that tube of dough so I couldn't finish this coffee cake?" I waited for an answer... Dead silence.

"Very well," I said with the bit of rebellion in my mouth, "I'll buy another." The store being only three minutes away it wasn't a big deal, but I really didn't feel like going out again. So, now I was entering into reason with myself, "You know this isn't good. How can the Lord protect you from an accident when you're being this way? You'd better pray for mercy."

Well, I got to the store, went in, bought another roll of dough and headed home. The oven was just the right temperature, so I put the coffee cake in and started putting groceries away. A few moments later, Ezekiel got up from a nap and it was beginning to get dark outside.

Now, we live in a very old adobe house. The wiring is anything but safe or substantial and this particular little brick oven we use has the nasty habit of tripping the breaker, so one of us had to go outside to reset it.

Ezekiel asked me, what I was cooking? I said, "coffee cake." He said, "In the oven?" I said, "Uh huh." He said, "How long will that take?" I said, "45 minutes." He groaned.

Well, I thought, all's well that ends well and after 45 minutes went to check on the coffee cake. Mind you, I had been in worship for about 30 minutes and the Lord and I were really connecting, and it was frustrating for me to have to get up. He didn't say anything about the cake so I thought maybe it was a lying spirit all along.

When I checked on the coffee cake, I saw that the interior of it was still "jiggly" and hadn't set. I started getting concerned. I kinda made this from memory, and I didn't put any flour in the filling to help it thicken. Already this coffee cake had taken time away from prayer and now the frustration of dealing with an oven that caused us to turn all the lights in the house off till it was done baking... and it wasn't setting. I realized I hadn't put any flour in the filling and wondered if it would ever set. So more time, looking up the recipe and finding that out, was wasted.

The presence of the Lord was so sweet, so I went back to prayer while it was cooking again. But I was so distracted to check on the cake I got up again, saw it was still uncooked and started to worry. Then the electricity went off. I ran out to fix it - more time wasted. I came back into worship and couldn't get that darn coffee cake out of my mind. Ezekiel said, "Oh, it'll probably set if you take it out." The top was golden, so I took it out.

And I went back to worship while it was cooling. And then I thought to myself, 'Is it really going to set? Oh, I don't know if it's going to set - I'd better go check it.' So, I stopped worship again and went in there to see if it had set. Sure enough - it wasn't setting! Oh...desperate measures. I took everything out of the freezer and put the coffee cake in the freezer to set faster. And went back to worship.

Fifteen minutes later I interrupted worship again to check and see if it was set. No, it wasn't. So I took it out of the freezer and put it back into the oven. Immediately the breaker went off. Well, I looked at it in the over and finally it was baking, even though the breaker went off. So, we went and turned the breaker back on and left it to cook. While I was sitting in worship - again - after interrupting four or five times, I started thinking, 'You know? If I do a little surgery and take the top - the crust off of the cheese pasty, it'll cook in the center better.' So, I stopped worship again and I came in and did a little surgery, pulled the top off of the coffee cake and put it back in the oven. Five minutes later I was into worship again and the oven went off, turning the breaker off again...

I'll tell you what. This was getting REALLY bad at this point, because worship was so chopped up. I mean, it's a wonder the Lord is so patient with me!! He was always there when I came back, and I had this longing to be with Him, uninterrupted. And it just wasn't happening!!

Now it was pitch black outside, Ezekiel was using a candle and I was using a candle, because we thought maybe if we used candles it won't go off again. So, I set the breaker back on and we reduced ourselves to two candles...and sure enough, as I started back into worship the electricity went off. Again. And again. And again.

'OK,' I thought, 'I give up.' But then it occurred to me there was a source of electricity that was not ON that breaker... Could we reach it? I wondered....

So, now Ezekiel and I were underway with a project to find the extension cords and run them to the other source. After plenty of work and time, we got the oven connected and I started baking again without the top crust.

In fifteen minutes it was really done and I pulled it out so I could put the crust back in. And the breaker went off! Again!! No, NOT again!!! Not again!!! How could that happen? It's not even on the same line?

Well, we figured out that it somehow was affecting both sides of the house. So, we found another electrical source that was totally separate and plugged that in. Ten minutes later the coffee cake was done. But by this time, I was totally frustrated in being with the Lord, I had to make dinner, and I was feeling so lonely for Him. I just wanted to be in His sweet, sweet presence without being interrupted. But by now, it was very late, and I needed to take a nap. So I laid down for an hour.

When I came to worship with my dinner, He began giving me a message and that was the end of our worship time. And I thought, 'Oh, no. I thought we'd have a least another hour or so of worship time!' But it was getting late in the morning, like 3:00 or 4:00 and He wanted to give me the message. We had to get going with it...

So, I really felt it was the Lord, I was in His presence but we have a little Bible Promise Book by Barbour Publishing. It's just a compilation of - you've heard me talk about it before, but for those of you who are new to our channel, it's a compilation of Scriptures under different headings. Like Faith, Holy Spirit, Lust, Sin - I mean, all kinds of things. It's a heading and then it'll have maybe 15 Scriptures under it. And I use it for discernment. Because the priests always sought the Lord by lots - so I know that when we seek the Lord for wisdom, He's not going to give us a snake if we ask for a fish. It's been very, very, very accurate as far as uncovering any time demons have been messing with us, when we're trying to get a word from the Lord.

So I went to the Bible Promises - and what did I open to...prayerfully? After prayer I opened to: "Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, prudent in their own sight." Ouch!!!

Yeah...I'm guilty as charged...

And I thought, 'Oh, Lord - I'm so sorry...'

So I went again, and He said through the Scriptures: Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, (uh huh...) but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin....Hebrews 4:14"

And when I heard that word "sin" I knew this was sin that had gotten me into this place tonight.

So I was super convicted: Disobedience, Pride, "I know what's best, Lord. Really I do! I mean, Lord, it's better for me to have this than to have the other one..." Rebellion: "I'm going to make my cake and show you JUST how fast I can do it!" and Idolatry: "My stomach is my god, with a little gluttony thrown in for good measure..."

In my last message, I asked the Lord if there was anything else He wanted to say. He said, no, but He wanted me to tell you the tale of my disobedience. I thought, 'Surely Lord, not again! They are so tired of hearing how foolish I am.'

So I went to the Bible promises again, just to make sure it was Him and I opened to:

What did I open to?? "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21 And I ALWAYS get that Scripture when He wants to confirm that He's speaking to me.

So, there was no way of wiggling out of this. I hope I didn't bore you too much... Maybe I gave some of you some hope.

So there you have it. You see how much hope there is for you??? I don't care what you've done, there's still hope. Look at me, here I am supposedly a mature Christian woman, 69 years old, serving the Lord for 35 years... lusting after cream cheese coffee cake and because of that missing wonderful worship time with the Lord. He let me ache for Him and at the same time be totally frustrated in getting to Him because of my stubborn rebellion.

So, if there's hope for me, surely there's hope for you!

And just a little prayer:

Lord, please help us all know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that when You say 'no' there is a very good reason for it, and to cast down all the suggestions of the enemy to the contrary. Amen.

So, in short, the Lord knew that the enemy would use all of these interruptions to totally pick apart our worship time tonight. And HE was looking out for me, by telling me "no, I don't want you to do that, it's not My will." But when I disobeyed, He let the protection down and He allowed the enemy to sift me. That's how it works, guys. When you disobey, your protection comes down to some degree, according to what the Lord is trying to teach you. And He allows things to befall you, so that you can learn from that lesson that He knows what's best.