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September 5, 2015


The Lord is with us, Heartdwellers, and His blessing is upon us. He has given me a challenging message, very interesting.

Just for all of you wondering what happened to me yesterday, I had a toothache, and it seemed like everything else came together, came to a head: exhaustion, a toothache - and that was it for me, I just couldn't make it into the message last night.

But - He's making up for it right now, and it's a beautiful message! I want to mention to you that I really felt your prayers last night and

today. I especially felt your prayers for me today, and I want to thank you for praying for me, 'cause that made a real difference and I was able to go ahead and receive a message tonight.

As I waited on the Lord tonight, He began by saying, "Waiting is wonderful."

And I thought to myself, 'I don't...think that's going to go over too well, Lord... I don't think anybody thinks waiting is wonderful!' That was the direction that He was going in, so I was anxious to hear what He had to say.

He began, "Waiting is wonderful!" (In other words, waiting for the Rapture is wonderful.)

"Why do I say that? Because it gives you one more chance to execute your dreams and produce fruit for the Kingdom.

"Those of you who are agonizing over waiting are not fulfilling My will at all. You are in your own will and centered on yourselves. Look deeper into your own lives and you will see this is not just a problem arising from the imminent Rapture, this is a life-long disability - or lack of ability. Behind it is sloth. You are lagging behind in fulfilling your purpose on this Earth and using all the talents I gave you.

"How can you tell you are in My will? When you're in My will, your life is vibrant and filled with purpose. You have something to look forward to every morning. You are growing in the life assigned to you. You have sought your purpose in life and found it. You are being used by Me.

"Some of you are still waiting in the wings for the work I have prepared for you. Some of you truly ARE in formation now, and not ready to go out on your mission yet, but you can sense that you do have a mission, and that you are being prepared. Some of you have chosen your own way over Mine. And you wonder why you are not happy.

"Clare, share with them what you did to Me when I called you."

Well, I've talked about this before, but I was attending a nice middle class church on the north side of Phoenix while my husband at the time was going to the U of Arizona studying public affairs. I was doing everything in my power to back up his career in the sense of dressing him in the right clothes, of decorating the house, to making the right presentation, something that looked successful. His parents were footing the bill and we were living comfortably. There had been an alienation between his father and us because his dad was in a high position at the university, funding students. And his dad wanted to see him make something of himself, not just waiting tables.

It just so happened that we were feeling called to Youth With a Mission, YWAM, in Holland - and least I was feeling really tugged on my heartstrings in that direction. So, we started to really try to discern God's will for us.

During that season, Richard Wurbrandt, the founder of Voice of the Martyrs came to speak at our church on a Wednesday night and talked about the affluence that we had...but, how happy were we in our affluence. He also talked about how some of us were called to the mission field but we all had our price. He looked right at me, even though I was sitting on the far side of a wing in the church, and said, "What is your price?"

Wow! That hit me like a bullet to the heart!

Well, at the time the church had one missionary they were sending out, a young single girl to work in an office of a ministry. We were a couple in our thirties with three children and wanted to go with Youth With a Mission to be trained but needed $5,000. The church was not at all interested in funding us. The only thing worth that kind of money that we had was the brand new station wagon my husband's father had just purchased for us and given as a gift. Well, here, family relations were improving, right - and they gave us this gift. And of course, in order to go with YWAM we would have had to sacrifice this gift and totally alienate his father.

I had some really deep-seated insecurities about the whole thing, and one was my relationship with the man I married. Something wasn't right. We weren't quite on the same page with each other, and I was thinking, 'Great. We'll get over there in a foreign country and split up and I'll be helpless with three children.'

I was thinking in my flesh, really. My heart was crying out to go, and my flesh was saying, "Be careful! Be cautious." You know, be secure.

I remember we were so seriously considering it I even had a ridiculous idea that I needed clothing for the trip to Europe. My mother had some clothes made for me. It was like I was considering a fantasy part in a play or something. In the end, we sold our hearts for a $5,000 car and relationship with his father, which soon afterwards fell apart.

And I had a dream. In this dream I was on a cruise ship. the Captain had requested to talk to me; he was on the level of the ship beneath the main deck. I walked into his presence, he was tall, blond, clean shaven and very handsome in his white suit. He said, "He called. (meaning the Lord) You missed the call, but He will call again." Then I awoke. Immediately I knew we had made the wrong choice and I was deeply grieved.

Not long after that our second child had to have an emergency surgery for a life threatening intestinal blockage. After three months of my husband and I living off the dole, he decided he would go back to school again, and we were back in our cozy, middle-class lifestyle. But I wasn't happy; it was flat and lacking real deep substance.

The next time the Lord called, we were doing the same thing, but in Annapolis, Maryland. And after 2 semesters my husband was dropped by the school for one class he didn't do well in. This time I had an inspiration I followed through on, and he followed along because he didn't really have any real vision. And I made the leap from total dependence on wealthy parents to total dependence on God, and living for Him alone.

We ended up in a tar paper shack on the side of a mountain in the Poconos in Pennsylvania; running water when it rained, scrounging firewood in the bitter cold, now with my fourth child, only two months old living a radical gospel poverty. Home schooling one child and bathing my newborn in a wash basin on the floor. But, happy???? Oh, my goodness, I'd never been so happy in my life. My whole life revolved around the Lord, my husband, and my children. We were inquiring about becoming a part of a Christian community associated with John Michael Talbot's community in Arkansas. I gave away all but the most utilitarian clothing I had, all my fine antiques, fine furniture, dinnerware, and trappings of a really comfortable lifestyle. And classy things, you know, like collector's items...and stripped down to the barest necessities. I encountered a whole new freedom to my life that I had no idea existed. This was our second call from the Lord.

Shortly after that, my husband left me because he didn't want to have anything to do with this lifestyle...he wanted to do something in the world and be wealthy.

"You see, My children, there were sacrifices that had to be made. A comfortable life style or living on the edge for Me. There were decisions about the married life with children that had to be made. Relationships and security were left behind because I was calling her into another land, the land of My will, where things just spring up from the ground and fall into your lap as I provide for you. But there is a certain amount of deprivation, scorn, contempt and insecurity until you learn to rest in Me."

By the way, I just wanted to say an aside - that marriage was NOT in God's will; that marriage was in the flesh. We believe that when God joins people together, they should stay together. If the Lord hasn't brought that marriage together it's not truly what it should be in Him. And it's not going to stand or produce fruit in that condition.

"Many of you have very solid hearts for Me but you haven't quite been able to bail out of your security zone to do My will. You are thinking as the world thinks, and as such your time is taken up by the world. You are working for the securities of a roof over your head, a car, food and clothing, and whether you admit it or not, approval from others, even in some cases, your parents.

"What I would like you to do is ask yourselves, 'Am I happy and fulfilled? Is this the life I want for the next 20 years?' Ok, don't misunderstand Me, I didn't say you would be here for another 20 years! No, I said, 'Can you imagine living this lifestyle and being happy for the next 20 years, or does that idea cause you to really have some questions and doubts?' Can you see yourself growing old and satisfied in this life, or is something terribly important missing? Is there an unfulfilled desire to share the Gospel and live free as the birds? Is there a longing to be in ministry and see others healed and safely in My arms? Or are you happy working for the world and contributing what you can where you can, where you can? Living the status quo.

"I'm going to leave you with these thoughts now. What is your price? Did I not tell you to pursue your dreams and continue working while you are waiting for Me? Is it pure drudgery or a joy to live another day to do one more thing for the coming of the Kingdom? Are you biding your time or abiding in Me? I want to see you strike out in a direction you've dreamt of but held back from doing because of the Rapture or because of selfish personal motives, like Clare had. I want to see you break free and follow the highest purpose your life - the purpose you were created for on this Earth.

"When you are in that place, you will be in My will and know it. Your life will bear fruit everywhere you go, whether it be little fruit at a soup kitchen or more fruit in Mozambique. Every one of you have a decision to make. I don't care if you're 16 or 60. Clare set out when she was 40, with four children.

"None of that is important. What is important is: are you fulfilled? Or do you feel like life has cheated you? It is never too late to make that change, to follow Me and follow your heart...never too late. And for those of you who are older, you carry wisdom and maturity that is lacking in the younger generation and you still have much to contribute. Do not be cowed by the idea that you are too old. That is a lie from Hell. Clare didn't take up music until she was 58 and look at what I was able to do for her, and through her.

"All I am asking of you is willingness. The willingness to get break free from the boxed in life you've created for yourself because of fear and insecurity. There is no need to fear if you make choices for Me. I already have you covered and every need provided for according to My Mercy and My Will. The question is, are you willing to forget yourself and live for Me? Are you willing to deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow Me? Or are you like the rich young ruler...making excuses. 'But, I have so many possessions! What? Give up my inheritance? Oh no, I couldn't do that!' What are you willing to give up for the sake of My Kingdom and the deep inner joy you will feel in My will, working with Me to save souls. In short, 'What is your price, tonight?'

My blessing rests upon you as you examine your hearts. My Spirit is with you, I will not abandon you in answering this heart searching question. I will come to you."