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December 1, 2015

Well, my precious family, I cannot withhold from you my weakness and the Lord's incredible kindness.

Today is the day after Cyber Monday. For the last few days, I've been hit with temptations to spend money on what I would call nonessential things. I have fought and fought and fought this off, but eventually... I blew it. While I was being stupid, I knew that black panther had me by the throat - but I brushed it aside to indulge myself.

Who needs five copies of the Bible Promises, all different editions? You can justify that by saying, "Oh, they're only two or three dollars apiece!" I justified that by saying "I'll give them away Lord, and just keep the one that works best for me."

Also, in clothing, it is very cold here in the morning in Taos in the Rocky Mountains, and I try to keep warm without a skyrocketing heating bill - it's a challenge. So, after several wasted hours, I found some fleece-lined pants that would fit me. Later, I felt convicted guys, that I didn't need several pairs, and cancelled and reduced my order. But the time I spent could not be replaced. I should have given that time to you, my sweet family. Please forgive me.

My husband Ezekiel is a very sensitive man and a wonderful, wise counselor and covering. He had been feeling grief for several days, and finally he spoke to me about my black panther. I was SO convicted. I knew I had hurt him and the Lord, so I went into prayer, because, you know - the medicine I give you, is good for me, too. And I always say, when you've blow it - don't run FROM the Lord - run TO Him. So, I went into prayer, and the Lord was right before me immediately. But He was weeping, and my heart was crushed. I had caused Him this pain by shopping and over indulging. Wasting time.

"Lord, I have nothing to say for myself, except I am very, very sorry for my weakness and sin and I'm sorry for hurting you and Ezekiel."

He answered me and said, "My dove, you're just like everyone else around this time of the year. Sad, but true. Although in the past, when you were without a little discretionary money, it was easier. But I am very happy that you are spending money on others. In that regard, I am proud of you. But you're still a work under construction."

And to explain that, if a donation comes in, we set a certain amount aside for other people, so that we have a fund. And some of you have earmarked some of the money that you've sent us for that very thing. We appreciate that - thank you so much. We're making quite a difference in the community.

"It just hurts so much when I see Ezekiel hurting and you crying, Lord. I guess I just don't know how weak I am until a temptation is put in front of me."

When we were living on $300 a month, barely surviving, I thought I was over my black panther. But now that we have a little extra, I am discovering just how vulnerable I am. A woman may think she is honest, until she is presented with an enormous temptation. Then she can find out exactly how weak she is. God help us all.

He continued:

"Moving along. To all My OCD Brides...(Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder) Understand that this time of the year is loaded like a spring bear trap to slam your foot into debt and tie you down with obligations you will have to struggle to meet for the rest of the year.

"Satan is behind this, as in all sins of the flesh. I wish for you all to be smarter than your adversary. I am not pleased with you going into debt in My Name. Rather, I would love to see you stay very simple and focused on My Birth. Doing little things with your children to make My Birth a memorable occasion, not joining hands with the harlot and turning it into an occasion of sin.

"Do not hearken to the naysayers who criticize this time of the year. There is much grace released from Heaven during this season if it is handled properly, with the right heart - and avarice and greed have not entered in. For instance, the plays that are reenacted at churches are wonderful for telling the real meaning behind the season. Do you know, My angels are present at those events to bring a sweetness and conviction, that a child will never forget? And even the adults are being drawn to Me. Oh, how glorious it is to see hearts changed as they ponder My incarnation."

Here, I just want to share something with you guys - I just have to insert this. During the Christmas season, on TV over 30 years ago, they were showing the birth segment of Jesus of Nazareth. Franco Zeffirelli's film. This was five months before my conversion. I was deeply into the New Age, but watching this changed something inside of me. I felt SO drawn to Jesus, I felt God tugging on my heart. The REAL God. I didn't know Him yet, but I could feel the power of that grace, working through that movie. And that movie is anointed, it reveals a sweet side of the Lord, that at time - 30 years ago, was not popular.

So, I felt the Lord tugging on my heart when, just 5 months after that, He visited me.

But I was so steeped in lies and darkness, I couldn't sort it all out until that spectacular event happened on May 5th, that forever changed my life - when Holy Spirit descended from Heaven and set me on fire for 45 minutes. Guys, I was sitting under a copper pyramid meditating on the Mayan Tarot deck - that's how deep in darkness I was.

I was looking for Truth, really, sincerely from my heart looking for Truth and for the real Faith. My eyes were closed and all of a sudden, I saw in the spirit this black sky parting, and this lightening dove just descending out of Heaven, all the way down into my heart. It just set my whole body on fire for 45 minutes. It was so intense that my husband said, "What's going on? You are glowing!" And by infused knowledge God - because I didn't know who Holy Spirit was - God led me to know I was being visited by Holy Spirit.

So I said, "This is a visitation by Holy Spirit!" And during this visitation, I was deeply convicted of my sins. You know, if you're a New Ager, you don't have "sins" - just poor choices. And I was deeply convicted of my sins and repenting in rivers of tears as His Love embraced and forgave me...His love just overpowered me. I mean, I saw myself worse than sewer excrement when I saw my sins, and to have Him embrace and love me!

I didn't see Jesus, I just felt the embrace of His love. It was an amazing thing. I didn't even know what it was exactly, word for word, but I recited parts of the 51st Psalm.

And these are parts that I remember:

1 Have mercy on me, O God, blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

3 I know my transgressions, I have sinned and done what is evil

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence. Please don't cast me from Your presence - ever! or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Teach me Your ways.

I mean, I just sat there and recited that. And later I found - I think it was like 15 years later, maybe less, I found out it was the 51st Psalm, the Psalm of repentance.

So, whether or not the Lord was born on that day is totally irrelevant, He is using that day to bring an awareness of Himself to lost humanity that is sitting in such darkness. Of course Satan jumps right in on the heels of that with greed, avarice and partying.

At this point, the Lord started talking again, and He said,

"Well said. That is exactly what has happened, especially in this secular, godless age, where man has become his own god, with no need for Me. So, I take this rare opportunity to focus on My Birth that the little ones might be drawn to Me. But even now the enemy has worked day and night to remove even that remembrance of My birth and meaning from Christmas, to the point where to display the manger is a criminal offense in this country!

"And for those of you who are naysayers, it should be obvious to you that this time of the year IS a threat to Satan or he would never work so hard to blot it out of the world.

"But you, My Brides, My highly honored ones, please - uphold My honor and do not fall prey to the world, giving into impulses to shop and take advantage of sales that are deliberately set up to make you fall into materialism. I have no problem with a modest list of things you've needed for your ministry or to help others, or a few personal items. But please do not allow it to get out of hand and trap you into immobilizing personal debt. Uphold my honor, My cherished ones.

"What you do for the poor shall be forever remembered and credited to you. But stay in My grace, not the unction of the prowling unclean spirits that seek to entangle you and take your hearts away from Me.

"I forgive you for your indiscretions. Go now and sin no more."