I Missed the Lord

August 3, 2017

Lord Jesus, please help us to be sensitive to the little and tender things and not write them off as unimportant because of our worldly preoccupations. Amen.

Well, I'm sorry you haven't heard from me, precious Heartdwellers. My daughter and grandchildren came to visit and it was a whirlwind from beginning to end. But in this visit, I discovered how very numb I am to the important things.

After communion the Lord was silent so I asked Him, "Lord, please speak to me. What do you want me to share?"

He answered me immediately, "Speak about what's in your heart."

I hesitated.

He repeated Himself, "What is in your heart, Clare?"

I answered, "Contrition. And a very big desire to not repeat this sin."

"Well then," He said. " Speak on that."

Dear Heartdwellers, I hope me sharing this with you will make a difference and steer you in the right direction, when you get these opportunities.

The last two days, my daughter and grandchildren came to visit. And I believe we had planned a little more for our schedule than what was possible. I was not terribly flexible. The children wanted to swim, and rather than get in the water and play with them, I made a foolish choice to be in the kitchen with one of our helpers. My daughter called out to me, "Mom, what are you doing?" I can't remember the answer, but I did end up telling her I didn't want to get in the pool just then.

How foolish that was! Here was some time to play with the children and I selfishly withheld that for myself. For what? I was reasoning that after the pool we would do something. Well, after that we had pizza and then it was time for them to go to bed.

My daughter wanted me to come over to her place so we could plan some things for the Channel. I didn't feel good about that at all. I don't like leaving the house, but I really didn't see any other choice.

Well, my husband Ezekiel spoke up, "Honey, I'm just not getting confirmations from the Lord. You shouldn't be going out."

And when he said that, I kind of dismissed it thinking, 'It's probably the enemy interfering.' He asked me to check and I got God's Love, which is always a green light. Although deep inside, I had a check in my spirit, but I pushed through it.

Mind you, I hadn't prayed in two days and didn't have a message to put up--and I felt extremely out of sorts and fragmented.

Well, the evening went as we had planned, uneventful, but an action plan was developed. But I kept her up until one in the morning, and the next day she had to drive 4 hours to get home. So, in a way, I put her in danger

When I got home I felt REALLY BADLY. Why??? I couldn't figure it out. Why did I feel so badly? I chalked it off to lack of prayer and went to bed early. But it was very awkward, to say the least.

Then today, my daughter was to leave in the early evening, and we had some more time together with the children. But we ended up doing things that were necessary for the Channel--and again the children were sidelined. Then it was time to leave.

I think I got to hold them once the night they came. And my youngest granddaughter said, as she was leaving, "Nana, I'm going to miss you." Oh, I could have dropped to my knees on the spot, she was so sweet and so sincere and I had acted so selfishly the entire time they were here.

And the Lord's conviction fell on me. I couldn't wait to get back to my prayer-space and repent, because it was still too late to make it up to her. They were on their way to get into the car to leave.

I came in rather downcast, but I was hoping for a card of encouragement from my Rhema file. What did I get? "It doesn't matter what gifts you have; I can't use any of them if you are not obedient."

Oooo...Ouch!!!

Then I thought, 'It can't be that bad! Maybe I picked the wrong card.' Do you ever do that? So I pulled another one, "As soon as we begin to seek ourselves, at that very moment we cease loving."

Ouch again!! And I saw those sweet eyes and heard it again, "Nana, I'm gonna miss you."

Well, I went into repentance mode and what do I get from the missal I use for communion services? I John, second chapter: "My little ones I am writing this to keep you from sin. But if anyone should sin, we have, in the presence of the Father, Jesus Christ, an intercessor who is just. He is an offering for our sins..."

Well, that cemented the last question mark in place. This whole thing may not seem like much to other people and to onlookers, but I hadn't seen my grandchildren in a whole year. And this was our only time to share in our love for one another. And all I did is withhold my love for them, in favor of business...

To make this really stick, I got a precious package in the mail. In fact, my daughter is the one who brought it in, as she came in that morning. After she left, I opened it. It was a 2,000-year-old relic of Martha, Mary and Lazarus--sealed at the Vatican. I have a healthy respect for the relics of the Great Cloud and especially the ones that were able to conquer their faults. The brother who sent these to me said, "I knew this was perfect for you, because you are a Martha working on being a Mary, and the Lord is going to bring Ezekiel back from the brink of death." And I thought, 'Wow - it IS perfect!'

Even though I didn't exactly like being recognized as a Martha...

So, I wrote a long letter of apology to my daughter for my behavior, and she wrote back. She said, "Mom, after reading your message, I agree. I get so caught up in business stuff-- "the Martha" --that I forget about the "Mary" part!!"

Wow...!! And would you believe? She didn't know what was in that package, so I took photographs of it and sent it to her.

So, we got a BIG confirmation from the Lord that we had missed Him by spending time on ourselves, when the little ones needed our love.

During communion, the Lord came and forgave me. But it's going to take some time for me to heal from being so selfish; it left a very bad feeling in my heart. I can't even imagine the message it sent to the children. But the next time I get a chance to see them, I will not do that again, God willing.

Lord Jesus, do you have anything to add?

He began, "You are already feeling very badly. I don't want to add to that, My Beloved. But I do want you all to know that these little souls are very tender. What you don't give them...they can't really miss. Yet there is a lingering feeling of abandonment that they cannot put their little fingers on. The truth is, you are setting them up to be the same kind of parents--preoccupied with the world.

"Did I not rebuke My disciples and tell them, 'Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.' They are also there to soften your hearts, to make you ready for the Kingdom, by observing their simplicity and uncomplicated ways.

"But no. Adults look down upon the ways of children and count their business affairs as the most important thing in their lives. Oh, how sad it is to see an adult pass up an opportunity to enter into a child's world. Do you not know Heaven is in your midst with these little ones?

"Yes, the whole world chases after the almighty dollar and leaves behind opportunities to prepare their souls for Heaven and behold the innocent and the pure. How I long to shout out to them, 'Do you not see? You have turned your back to those I adore and to the angels who attend to them.'

"But alas, acquisition and building a personal kingdom tend to take the top priority. I am not condemning you, My Brides. Rather I am pointing the way to greater holiness, the holiness in your midst that reveals the ways of Heaven and should be a welcomed break and contrast from the ways of the world."

"Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven." Matthew 18:3