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September 24, 2017

Lord Jesus, thank You for training us in brotherly love and detachment. Would you please help us overcome our anger and frustration when we are called off a project for someone in need? Amen

Well, the title pretty well sums it up. The Lord is showing me some bitterness that I've picked up, because I've been delayed doing things for Him as I've chosen to stop and help someone else. But not without anger and bitterness and resentment. And there lies the problem...

During my prayer time, I began:

"Lord, I'm so frustrated..."

And by the way, this was after quite a 'bawling', crying spell. I was pretty...pretty wiped out by this time.

"I'm failing. I'm failing. I'm not getting anything done. I feel like such a failure."

Jesus answered, "I am here for you. You are expecting too much out of yourself and your circumstances. When you have a sick child, do you walk away to do your own thing? Or do you stop and tend to their fever?"

Lord, of course, I do what I can for them in the moment and then let them rest while I continue my work.

"And that is as it should be. If you had ignored that child, do you think I would have been happy with you? Do you think you would have done My will by ignoring them to do something else less urgent? Didn't I say this was going to cost you dearly? What's the price of a soul--how much are you willing to invest in My Kingdom when you have a soul before you that is seeking Me?"

And He's speaking here of a particular situation, a person I'd prayed for, and He asked me if I was willing to pay the price. And I told Him, of course. And I didn't realize what it was going to be, but that doesn't make it any different. I still would have answered Him that way, because I know this is what He wanted.

But a lot of my anger and frustration and... dirt is what I'd call it. Dirty diapers are being exposed right now because of these reactions I'm having.

So, I answered Him, about the willingness to invest in His Kingdom, "Whatever must be in order to do the job correctly, Lord."

"That's right," He said. "That's wisdom and that's pleasing to Me. You are in a series of upheavals right now, things that demand your focused attention. You are turning swarms of demons away with your counsel. You are bringing a soul or souls, face to face with their Lord. Can you think of anything more important?"

Well, not if that's Your, I can't. Unless it's not Your will at that moment...or I would be thinking that songs that turn the hearts of many would be a better investment of my time, rather than getting tangled up in worldly messes with just one or two people.

He answered, "But it is through worldly messes that I bring forth maturity and growth. What I am trying to tell you is that I am happy with your efforts and I understand your frustration when you have to make choices--and you've chosen the right things at those moments; that is why I am happy with you. You did what was most important, although it deprived you of your other work and only added to your anxiety and even despair.

"I don't want to see you despairing. There is no need for it. Things will get done in proper order and grace surrounds you, Clare, so very much grace to help others. I have placed souls in unique positions around you to absorb this grace. They are empty; you are full. Though you do not see the transfer taking place, nonetheless it is happening. And that is draining in and of itself. But you agreed to that and we are hard at it in this hour.

"As concerns your lapses in using time correctly, when your curiosity overrides your good judgment... Well, only you can control that, My Love. A little more self-control would be good. The fact is that you do have too much to do, without being inaccessible to others. That is a fact. So, that presents opportunities to sacrifice what you would most like to be doing--to care for others. This is part of your training for Heaven: serving others before yourself. Much of your anger, confusion, frustration and even despair is coming from this conflict."

Well, when He said that, I was thinking, 'Well--that's nice to know, there's actually more on my plate than I can possibly accomplish in a day. So, that accounts for my frustration. And that should be SOME relief to me...

I'm thinking about it... And I'm hoping it will be!

He continued, "Why do you suppose I gave you that card: "The moment you seek yourself is the moment you fail in brotherly love." It really is best if you have absolutely no preferences on how to spend your time. Although you map some of it out for what you've been given to do, it is always in a state of flux when something more important presents itself.

"I have deliberately allowed these situations to test your brotherly love. The time element causes you to choose. However, I would like to see much less frustration and anger over being interrupted and drawn aside for another person's needs.

"It is good that you are willing--but there are times when you put out a nasty stench of rancor. If you can put that foolishness away, not only will you be much happier and give a better example, you will also have far more energy.

"It takes a lot to hold down frustration and resentment. And you've accumulated some seeds of bitterness that have been growing. These I must remove, but first--you must show me your docility and detachment in what you do and don't do, in leaving your preferences behind for the needs of others.

"I know it is painful, but this is part of your formation in holiness.

"And all of you, My Brides on the channel, all of you are being tested in similar ways. You tend towards wanting to finish a project rather than be taken off it for the momentary needs of others. This is common to all humankind, because society puts value on accomplishments, not on how you went about accomplishing.


"That is so contrary to Heavenly ways, it's like comparing Chinese to English.

"On Earth, you applaud the accomplishment; in Heaven we applaud the love with which it was done. What the final thing looks like bears very little weight. It is more the hidden motives of the heart and subsequent actions in the doing of it that brings forth praise.

"It's all about how you did it, not the end result. How much love did you invest? How many times were you called aside with a good heart to serve the needs of others? How peaceful were you in returning, or were you boiling over with resentment? These are the true standards of Heaven."

Yeah, He's got me there. I was definitely boiling over with resentment... A couple of days. And actually, for the past month I've been having a problem with this. I just broke down tonight and cried, and said, "Lord, I can't take this anymore! Please help me, tell me what's going on."

Anyway. Jesus continued, "This is so contrary to what you've been taught growing up that it makes a total overhaul of motives necessary before you can truly serve Me with the right heart. It takes many, many, breakings before a soul acts on what is truly right, spontaneously--instead of what is expedient for their goals.

"We are still climbing that mountain of holiness, My Love. Don't let go of My hand, My Brides. Cling to Me more and more, and we will make it to the top."