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October 12, 2017

Father, please restrain the increasing darkness and grant us more time, more grace, more mercy to sow and gather souls. Please grant us the wisdom and self-control to live for You alone, in these final hours. Amen.

Well, dearest family--I finally bit the dust and ate some chocolate. And although I felt wretched about it, I resolved to get back up and keep trying. I also felt the Lord's compassion... I am only human and my flesh brought me down.

Lord, if You don't give me the grace to abstain, I don't have it.

I came to prayer feeling very discouraged, but I have learned: when you fall, do not run away from the Lord, run to Him! He waits to restore you.

I began speaking to Him, "Lord, please do not withhold Your voice from me. I am helpless, absolutely helpless, I have fallen with my abstinence and have no way to help myself. You are all I have. My heart is so heavy; I am repulsed by the idea of praying. I cannot get out of this place; fear has taken over my soul. Jesus, please set me free. Take me out of this deep, deep pit. Did you not say this oppression would end soon? Have pity, Lord. Your little lamb's heart is breaking. I want to please You, but I am so weak. Please tell me where to start, please help me. I know you are listening. I know you are here. I am so lost..."

Jesus answered me, "It's foolishness, Clare. You are not lost. Not to Me, and not to yourself. You are not lost.

"Look at Me." He said, as He lifted my chin.

I can't.

"You must. We are going to win this battle, just the way we have always won battles: by My grace."

Lord, I haven't won the battle with my voice or piano. What is happening here, what is going on?

He answered, "It is a very heavy cross. A blanket of darkness, so very heavy. Yet, you can resolve to walk through it without the light, because you know what you should be doing.

"Walk in blind faith, Clare. Blind faith. Do you know that I am with you?"


"Do you know I am right here, by your side?"


"That's what I mean; walk by faith."

I just want to say something here, and that's that... I don't know if you've ever felt it, I imagine you have. But when things are so dark you just can't figure out what to do next, where to put your foot next--one step ahead of the other. It's just...all motivation is gone. Nothing but confusion and questions hover over you and you just don't know what to do. You feel like you've totally lost it. And that's how I was feeling when He spoke to me about this.

He said, "You know what your dream is. No matter what seems to be blocking your way, keep walking, keep pushing, keep moving. Don't stall and sit down in a mess of tears; keep walking, knowing that I am by your side and this IS the direction you are to be going in.

"Do what is right. Fast as you can. When you fall, repent and return to Me. Ask for more strength. Abstinence from certain foods count, or you wouldn't be in this struggle. You have attained some measure of freedom from food, but there is still a bondage."

But Lord, the foods I eat help me to work.

"Not always, My Love. Sometimes they work against you--you just don't know it. I try to discourage your eating those foods. This is another reason I want you more detached.

"Beloved, you can do this. You have proven many times over, with My help, YOU CAN DO THIS. You just need to be resolute and pick up and keep going when you fall. FORGE ahead blindly. Just because you don't feel it doesn't mean you can't do it. DO IT ANYWAY."

Lord, I'd love to do it, but I need more time. Please, can I skip the Communion service and prayer?

Jesus answered me, "Do you want to dry up like a desert?"

No. But can I be talking to You all day and listening for You, rather than sitting for hours?

He answered, "There are days when you should not be praying that way; but Communion is essential. The enemy would surely like to trick you into not doing that. He would be thrilled if you stopped. So keep going, don't give in to that. You will know when you need to immerse yourself in Me and dwelling prayer--you will feel it. For now, you can test the waters. But cleave to Me all day and night.

"Cleave to Me, Clare. Know that I am with you. We are on a team together, pulling together. I will not leave you on your own frail devices; I strengthen you.

"I want you to begin to limit your intake of that drink. Find substitutes, and limit yourself."

He's talking about my Frappuccino protein drink.

"When you are like this, you need more. When you are up and feeling well, you need less. You will see this can be regulated and you can distance yourself from having it, just the way you like it."

Yeah... a little more almond extract. A little more coffee. Little more sugar...right.

He continued, "But don't stop working, don't stop. This is what the enemy wants. He wants you so despairing that you quit working out of confusion, illusions of failure and hopelessness. He HATES your music, I mean HATES it. That's why you should do it all the more.

"You have this fixation with failure, Clare. Your eyes are on the foaming ocean at your feet, not on Me. Just one step at a time, keep your eyes only on Me. When you start to sink, cry out and cleave to Me. Keep walking. I will not let you sink very far, and at that it is only to draw you more tightly to Myself. Foaming lies of failure, churning poisons at your feet--all to convince you it is hopeless.

"This is the enemy's goal, My people.

"He wants to convince you it is hopeless. Either by world events and media manipulation or by family and friends, or by physical handicaps, or by emotional attacks, or human logic--to undermine your sense of destiny and security in My will. Or to convince you that you are a failure before you begin.

"If he can shift your focus to these things, he will convince you to give up. Do not allow it. Rebuke these lies of failure and any other lie that tells you to quit. This is his secret weapon. If you feel any sense that what you are doing is hopeless, a failure, too late or time is too short--if any of you feel this, you are seeing and hearing the enemy's traps to bring you down, and to a complete halt.

"Listen only to the voice of faith and My promises to you. Get your eyes off the ground and onto Me. I will sustain you as you walk on the stormy seas. I will not let you drown in self-pity, failure or any other lie. But you must be hearing My voice and looking at Me. Anything that tries to stop your forward motion is sent by the enemy to get you to quit. If you keep this as a cardinal rule, you will not be fooled into stopping.

"The assaults on all of you right now are horrendous and call for an unusual degree of perseverance in faith. The stakes are rising, My people. Some of you are carrying very heavy crosses as you walk. My intention is not that you grow weary and fall, but cry out for more help and strength. When you feel yourself slipping, cry out to Me! And know that you are not alone, the entire Body is feeling these pressures now.

"All of this struggle also counts as a fast offering. Carrying this blanket of oppression until I relieve you of it also has its merits. And your cooperation must be with Me, not with the thoughts of failure--those fiery darts aimed at your back day in and day out.

"If I could rise from the dead, I can certainly raise you above every obstacle, every roadblock of lies, every violent storm, every device evil can invent. I can lift you above by My resurrection power, if only you will BELIEVE!

"Walk on now, My Blessed ones, walk on. There would be no opposition in your life right now if you were not a threat to the kingdom of darkness. Walk on.

"And know that whatever happens, I am WITH YOU and I will not desert you. And I will pick you up when you fall, and reinstate you."