Set Free From a Profound Sense of Defeat

October 30, 2017

Lord Jesus, so many live in defeat and depression. Please grant them the grace to see the way out, in Your grace, so they may live the life they've always wanted. Amen

Well, I have something VERY far-reaching and broad-based to share with you. And it's especially for those of us who've been in tremendous struggles and have grown kinda tired... But, more than that, there's a vague sense of defeat that sets in, that you really can't do something that you started to work on, or started to do.

It's an opposition, it's a terrible thing. It's a terrible feeling, because it's a sinking feeling down in your heart. You fight it with your will, and you say, 'I'm gonna do this. I'm not gonna let that feeling take this away from me. I'm going to apply myself and I'm going to do it.'

But while you're saying that, on the surface--down inside, you're dying from a sense of profound loss and defeat. So, I'm gonna share with you what the Lord uncovered in me the last two days.

In His Mercy, He delivered me from a very serious attack on my faith and heart. I love what I do. I love sharing how wonderful our Lord is--but I also know I must make time for music. I'm working on one now that should be done soon. ha, ha - you're heard that before. But truly I am. I also have a lot of vocal and piano practice. I need 6 hours a day to practice, for the both of them--and I never get it.

So, this was beginning to wear on me over a period of time,

because I'd wake up in the morning and I'd say, "Okay. Let's do this!" And I'd be off in a flash. And half the day would go by and I'd realized I hadn't gotten to the piano or vocal practice at all, let alone working on songs. The one thing I probably did do was pray and get a message up, which is so important to me. To share with you what the Lord is doing.

Because of my frustration with time, I feel like I start the day in enthusiasm and focus--and I get halfway through it and then I say, "Oh my gosh! Look how late it is. What happened? Because I need to take care of correspondence, and administration and my husband, I try to do what I know is most important to Jesus. I try. But when I get towards the end of the day and see I haven't worked on music yet, I get so discouraged.

Well, little did I know there has been an onslaught of demons of destruction assigned to take away my mission and cause me so much heartache. So much heartache that I will just give up.

So, I came into prayer feeling this way. I was fighting this nagging feeling as I was trying to enter into worship, but on the inside, I was feeling this deep sense of loss and defeat.

So, I came into prayer feeling this way. It was really late and I could see I must have passed a lot of time without knowing exactly what I did. But I have such a strong conviction about using time, and my conscience is so strong, that I know it wasn't anything that wasn't necessary.

"What did I do wrong today, Jesus???" That's the attitude I had when I came into prayer. "I cannot believe it is so late--I haven't prayed or done the message yet."

When I get in this place, something very deep inside of me gives off a sigh of hopelessness. And tonight, as I came before the Lord in worship, He stopped everything and said, "Come aside with Me, My Bride." And my heart sighed in relief! Because I knew He was about to take something off of me. Something very ugly and very heavy.

So... 'Really', I am asking myself, 'how can I come into worship when I feel heartbroken about what I haven't done yet and time is slipping away. How can I?' The answer is: I can't - because of this deep sense of loss. And He sees that and calls me aside, and was so extra clear and present to me.

Jesus began, "Oh, Clare, how I have wanted to talk to you. You are under some extreme oppression, Beloved, extreme. You do not see it, because it has been laid on you very slowly and surreptitiously. Your whole being is under attack and their plan is to steal your ministry and destroy you. Demons of destruction have been assigned to you and they are working on your mind.

"This is what they are saying to you. 'You are not any good. He doesn't love you, He's fed up with you. Do you see these others over here? Look at the gifts they have and compare them to what you don't have after all these years of serving Him. You don't have them, because you are not worthy. You have not used your time wisely, nor will you ever. You are a loser: you lose time, you lose graces, you lose people... You are a loser! You waste everything. He's found others to do your job, because you will never get it done."'

Now, that's what Jesus said to me, that the demons have been raking me over the coals with, right? And then:

"These are only a very few of their accusations," He continued. "And they are designed to get you to give up on Me and on yourself. They are designed to cause you to lose heart, Clare."

I replied, 'Well, that's certainly the effect they're having. I feel disheartened and without hope, like... I've let You down so many times--what's the use?'

Jesus continued, "But this is My witness, this is what I say about you. You have turned one coin into ten. You have brought forth copious fruit all over the world. You really have been faithful, very faithful, and done My bidding, My will--99% of the time. You have not been lax or lazy. You are one of the most hard-working of My apostles, even at your age. You have turned the coal of your sins and short-comings into the diamonds of My Mercy, time and time again, bringing to My people the real substance of My heart.

"You bare your heart--the worst parts of it--and share with others how compassionate I am and how I raise you up fall after fall. Do you know what that's done for souls around the world? They see Me for who I am, they see you for who you are--and they relate to you on every level. You are a Champion of Righteousness.

"You are Mine, and there is no one like you."

And I just want to say an aside here. He often tells me that, and I understand that He is saying each of us are unique and there is no one like you. There's no one like me. There no one like your brother, or sister, or anyone in the world. You are so unique. You have been created so gloriously unique and special.

And Satan's whole job and agenda is to take that away from you.

Jesus continued, "Do you understand? You are very special to Me and to the world you live in for your insights and wisdom, yet you have the lowest opinion of yourself. And I love that. I love that you see yourself as a nothing.

"But you carry it too far, Clare. The demons have run with that and very clever demons have chosen to play that card against you. They want you to think that your ministry doesn't just doesn't matter."

I answered the Lord, "Yes, it's true. Even with all the confirmations I get from my dear Heartdwellers, I still feel that what I do is not important in God's scheme of things. After all, look at all the people who Sid Roth interviews and the impact they have had on the world!"

Since Ezekiel has been sick, he watches Sid Roth on Youtube. And when I look at their ministries, (yes, I do get snagged... fascinated by their testimonials) and compare it to mine (which I am sure the devils are quick to do), I feel so inadequate and lackluster.

On the other hand, I do not want notoriety! I love the hidden life. And it's not so hidden when you look at that stack of mail on my desk. Oh my...!

I see these amazing ministries as so deserving, and myself as such a failure.

Jesus broke in, "Yes, and that's a lie, too. Each of My Brides has their own beauty and I reward them accordingly. They would love for you to be jealous and begin to feed off of that. But the truth is, I am equipping them for their mission and you for yours. They are different. You've been put into a matrix of ruin, Clare. You've been targeted at the very core of your being, and your relationship to Me. Your mission is priceless to Me. Everyone of your struggles is solid gold and not one thing you suffer is in vain--it always outs and hits the target for those who are going through the same, the very same tribulations around the world.

"You turn every speck of coal into diamonds by sharing as you do. I love that about you and you have been called to do it. Listen to Me. YOU ARE GOING TO SUCCEED. Do not listen to the lies. Do not see the situation as impossible. You are making progress in seeing how you lose time. For you, ten minutes is worth an hour of someone else's time--that's why I don't want you to waste it. Oh, how can I convince you?"

Well. He caught me; I wasn't believing everything He was saying.

I said, "I'm listening Lord, I am trying to believe, but I am leery."

He remarked, "And what have you done to deserve that kind of deceit?"

What He means by that is, there are times when He allows deceiving spirits that sound and look like Him, to lead us astray, to humble us, because we're in Pride. We never know when we're in pride. I think we're always in it...

I answered, "All the things I do wrong or the way I insist sometimes."

"Do not insist on anything but what I want you to do--not even for 5 or 10 minutes--because that's how they get you. Just one degree off course and they continue to take you further and further off course. You must resist at the onset, and not believe that you're strong enough to do something and come back to what you should have stayed doing. You cannot afford to do this, because you are weak and they play on your weaknesses to defeat you.

"Clare, you have defeat written all over you. But I am here to bring you out of it, once and for all. You have been enormously fruitful and I intend to make you even more so. You have earned a promotion by your faithfulness, so I am going to break this off of you and bring you up higher, away from the reach of detractors.

"First I must establish this in your heart: YOU WILL SUCCEED.

"I need you to be settled about this. Get your eyes off your daily sense of failure and on to Me. Do not look at what I am doing with other vessels, because what I want from you is so different. Be happy to be overlooked and side-lined; this is healthy for you. But in My eyes, you are in the spotlight of My love and purposes for your life."

Lord, I don't see how I can do anything with music. Look at the time--and what did I do that was off course today, except 17 minutes on Amazon, getting a cable for my speakers?? Please, tell me what is Your answer for this?

He began, "Every night you are under attack. Like tonight--it was the speaker. (Which failed...) I am training you in discretion. You could have pursued the problem, but you dropped it for your assistant to figure out. That's exactly what I wanted to see you do; that was a sidetrack to take you away from Me. And you did the right thing. You ignored it. You weighed the options and determined it was a side-track to steal time from Us. And you were right!

"This is part of your training. You are learning what to pass by and what to keep working on. You need to know this for the future, you need to learn this now--that's why it is happening to you. Every day is full of choices and temptations... until you learn.

"That's why you have to stay so closely tuned into My heart, because you will feel when I want you to stop doing something; it is not for you. With a little more practice, you won't do it at all."

Well, Lord--I guess my problem is faith. I just can't see how I can improve on my schedule to make time for music--I can't see it.

"And what did I tell you earlier in the evening, when you picked a Rhema card?"

Ohh yes. I was led to...it was a small Rhema file box that, oh - I thought was obsolete. I just kinda appeared out of nowhere. It's very old, I hadn't used in years and it 'just happened' to be in the wrong place--or, maybe the right place at the right time. And I felt the inspiration to choose a card from it--and so I did. And this is what it said.

"Blessed are you who are able to believe without understanding the reason."

Wow. When I got it, I thought to myself, 'Huh, what's that about? Well, it's an old box and probably not good anymore.' Ah, ah, ah...! Those thoughts were from the enemy, because he didn't want me to believe in the card's message.

I've gotta tell you guys. These rhema card files are POWERFUL. The Lord WILL use them. You'll feel inspired to go and pick a card, or three cards. And at the worst time, they'll pull you right smack out of a nose-dive and be a confirmation that's just the right thing that you'll need.

So, I just make it with little index cards and an index card file box. And after... I don't know how many years I've been doing this; I have thousands of them. And they're priceless!

Jesus continued, "That was not a random, outdated card, as you tended to wonder if it was right. No, it was a direct, right-on message from Me for our conversation this night. I want you to believe without understanding how we are going to do this. But we ARE going to do this.

"Do you understand? I know, before you know, exactly what is going to happen and I am telling you, YOU WILL SUCCEED."

OK. LORD, I will do all in my power to confess this. I don't understand how it's going to happen, but YOU said so, and I believe YOU because YOU are always right and You know everything before it happens.

He continued, "Let this permeate your consciousness and be reminded that, when you feel like a failure, that is coming from outside sources and you can rebuke it. You must take those thoughts captive and declare My thoughts and words over your life.

'For I have not given you a spirit of fear but of power, love, and self-control.'

"And I declare: you will succeed with your music ministry, but you must believe in Me and in Yourself with My empowering of you. You must. It will not happen unless you do and that's why the attack has been against our relationship and your sense of being loved, approved of and used. With everything they have, they are trying to knit you into a destroying cocoon of failure. But I will not allow it. You are coming out of this lie and into your calling."

And that was the end of His message.

So lift up your heads, Heartdwellers--those of you who feel like you have slide back into the mire of mediocrity and uselessness. It's a lie that is now assailing all of His saints, and He is asking us to refute it.

And He picked up on this again. Jesus continued, "It is not coming from Me and it is not true. It is all lies, lies, lies. If I said it, I will do it--and nothing will stop Me.

"So, rise up out of the grave clothes of destruction and receive a fresh mandate for your missions. You are not failures; you are winners. And you are going to win souls for Me by your faithfulness to your callings."

Now I understand this Scripture the Lord has been giving me repeatedly for weeks: Then Jesus asked, "What is the kingdom of God like? To what can I compare it? It is like a mustard seed that a man tossed into his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air nested in its branches." Luke 13:18-19

That is what has happened to this Channel and so many are now launching out on ministries that are reaching out even further than we do. And this is what I have wanted to see with all my heart--and it is coming to pass. No wonder the demons are attacking me!

But in the past, I saw pastors who became jealous of their ministries and would not allow anyone else to have a ministry. That grieved me so deeply, I vowed never to do that. But I can see and understand why... They began to feel like failures, when they should have seen they had done well--because their people had grown up and started their own ministries. But Lying demons in their ears turned them against their own sheep and shut them down.

And really, Heartdwellers, we are getting reports of wonderful new ministries springing up all over and I rejoice in every one of them. I think soon we may have a list for you, so you can check them out.

So, that's the end of this message, that part of the message, in any case. And I wanted you to know that we are getting calls for firewood and three new wood stoves for people out on the Mesa who have no way to heat their homes.

Their homes are made out of...oh, you wouldn't believe it. Cardboard and pallets and cars and car parts. Adobe and just...you wouldn't believe the conglomeration of things they've taken to make homes. Some of them are just really, really creative, as well.

But they're poor. That's the point. And it's getting cold and they need wood stoves. They're isolated and they had little children. And their little children need coats and boots. Last year we donated so many jackets and boots our garage looked like a thrift store for a week. You can see some that we serve on our Heartdwellers.org channel--just click on the Outreach tab.

I think, because we have all been pouring our resources into the relief efforts for the islands, our ability to help the poor around us has been brought almost to a standstill. So please, do not forget us in our needs for the Channel, as well as these poor families in Taos. Soon, I will share with you things about that ministry and how God is turning the hearts of the poor who have chosen to live off the grid, away from organizations and organized religion. They live by barter and trade, and raise their families on the produce of the land.

Many of them are good and clean-living people who just can't stand to be a part of the system. They would rather be in the wilderness, fending for themselves, than be a part of the world.

I can't say I blame them. Some of them work with crafts, make wire jewelry, sell sage bundles and carved items as well as pinion nuts they harvest off the trees in the fall. But it's not enough for firewood. They have been burning sage, which backs up in the stove and fills the room with smoke, giving off very little heat. The temperatures out on the mesa can get down to 15 degrees below zero, and their houses are not insulated.

So, it is very difficult for them, especially if there is no male present. The women are hardly strong enough to wield a chainsaw, even if they had one, and they don't have a truck to get firewood. So, we are doing our best for them from our woodpile, but praying that we can purchase firewood as we did twice for 12 families last year and have it delivered to them, since they have no vehicle.

As always, dear ones, when we get a donation, we cover our basic expenses and give the rest away. We do not keep a savings account for the future; we rely on Jesus day-to-day, alone. And we provide for those who suffer the greatest deprivation with inadequate means of support. They go without basic medication and electricity. And water, commonly. They are the very littlest ones who have fallen through the cracks and have no one to turn to.

So, thank you for remembering us, and for your faithfulness. Your prayers are powerful! And I love the way you pray harder for me when it's been a while since I've had a message. There's usually a very, very good reason for that! I appreciate it so much. We're praying for you every day as well. You are greatly loved.