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January 5, 2018

Jesus, You alone know the path to our highest good in this life. Please help us come to terms with the self-will that can dominate our thinking and frustrate your highest good for us. Amen.

Well, recently my heart has longed to go deeper into the Word of God, and I find myself fascinated with details and how they connect and what they mean. But I am concerned for time. The Lord has told me to go deeper in Scripture but the way I think it means... is having more resources for study time. lol. Of course!

That spirit of acquisition is very subtle and slippery. So, when I set out in the direction to go deeper via MY way of thinking, I end up visiting the Logos site, with almost endless resources and the potential to lead me endlessly into one curiosity and distraction after another.


But my desire nature has a way of masking over what I feel may be a check in my spirit. I have an inner dialogue of justifications I run through to numb that little twinge of conscience. And I suspect I am again in self-will.

Lord, please explain this to me. I want to know the Scriptures and You've asked me to read them more. And when I read, I want to go deeper--and when I do, look at what happens! Please tell me, where do I start? And where do I leave off?

Saint Francis had nothing but scorn for learning. And You are the pinnacle of the Word--yet You said nothing would be unfulfilled in the Word.

Please have pity on me and explain where do I get off this train?!

Jesus began, "If you would just listen to Me, I would guide you. But you have a very strong will Clare, and a bent which works towards your undoing. Knowledge of the Scriptures is your latest distraction. Knowledge in general does very little to edify. I understand well your interest, and some of that is valid. But the only way I can lead you, My love, is through obedience and without that you will walk into many blind alleys.

"You can choose to study this book and that book, or you can meditate on the Scripture and I will infuse you with knowledge and understanding. You don't have to wade through the opinions of others and their conclusions. You can rest in Me, and I will satisfy your hunger for Truth."

Well, Lord, I asked you about this book and I thought you thoroughly approved of it. And when I got it, it refers back to the Kabballah--which can be very poisonous and toxic with New Age teachings. And there certainly is error in it, even though it's written by a Rabbi. So, now I have to burn the book, because I don't dare pass it on to anyone else. It could seduce them into the wrong thinking as well.

Jesus answered me, "What did your instinct tell you?"

I felt a little check, because of the cost. But then I found it marked down, at a really good price. But even then, I did feel a little check, and a sense of unsureness. So often in the past, I see that I have given myself permission, because the reading was not definitive one way or the other. And I honestly didn't know what to do--so I did what I wanted to do.

Jesus replied, "You still do not know yourself well enough to curb your appetites. Satan doesn't care what he wastes your time on, as long as it sets you back and keeps you from what is truly important. Don't you recognize this yet, Clare?"

Lord, I am beginning to.

"Your curiosity is killing you. There is only one way around it: obedience to that flutter in your gut, in your heart. If it flutters, pass it by--no matter how beneficial it looks to you. We are going to get where we need to be, My Love. It just takes time. You have to become weary with the blind alleys. In the meantime, the clock does tick.

"May I outline this for you?"

Yes, Lord. Please do.

"Read the Scriptures, but do not get snagged on the details. Read between the lines and listen for My voice and My leading.

"Pray. Dwell. Take communion. Give messages. Sing and play the piano. That is a very full schedule for you and will protect you from these disastrous side-tracks and dead ends. The foundation I laid in your life, for this walk, came with St. Francis."

And just as a background, I was a habited Franciscan sister, with a vow that gave me an immense amount of freedom and deliverance from the world. It was really quite amazing.

It was cut and dried. I needed God and prayer. Meditation on the Word and love for my God and my neighbor. St. Francis had a healthy scorn for scholarly studies, because they tended to lead souls into pride and distance from God.

He much preferred poverty in things, and thus, less distractions. Hours and hours of prayer and serving the outcast and the poor. For the first time in my life, I didn't need nice things. In fact, I hardly needed anything. This was the only road that led to a sound breakthrough with materialism and that 'black panther' I'm always fighting.

Material things held no interest for me. Well, not NO interest...but very, very few interests compared to my lifestyle of having nice things before.

"For you, this was laying down of your flesh. It would be good for you to work your way back to that--it was the purest. Just add your current duties and you will do very well, indeed."

Uhhhh... Yes, Lord. It is as I felt it yesterday. I love you so very much, but I know with that confession comes the challenge to obedience. I knew that today would have tests of that love. And I didn't pass...

"I'm not going to make you feel any worse about yourself. But I will say, you are getting there. You are recognizing Satan's loop holes and the ways of pulling you off course. It took a long time for you to get here, but you are here and it can go quickly, smoothly and very rewardingly if you persevere from this point.

"Defer to My wisdom, Clare. And TRUST."

Ohhh...boy. Well, that was the reading that I got from the Bible Promises, after I sensed He was saying 'no' about the Logos software. I got 'Trust'. And immediately, when I saw that in the Bible Promises, it made me feel, 'Well. Trust the Lord. Okay. TRUST!'

Well...does that mean: 'Trust that this will be a good thing and really help with my Bible study?' I just couldn't discern, one way or the other. Or: 'Should I trust Him that this isn't necessary and He'll fill in the blanks where they need to be filled in.' I really had a dilemma, and I wasn't sure. I kind of felt a check in my spirit about using it. But it wasn't very strong. So, I wasn't sure.

So, what did I do? I signed up for a trial! lol...

Well, after this dialogue with Him, I wrote back to them and I asked them to cancel my trial. I did a short Bible study with it, and it was wonderful. Very, very convenient. But I can see how it could become VERY time consuming to learn the program and then go into this nook and cranny, and that nook and cranny... And really--endless, endless rabbit trails. JUST for the sake of satisfying curiosity. And I get so much more out of Dwelling Prayer than I do out of Bible study. And it lines up with the Bible study. So, it's not a problem.

Moving on... Lord, do you have a message for us?

"My people, your perspective on your lives is very slim. It is determined a great deal by your desires to know things that, in the end, are irrelevant. The only way I can save you the heartache of a bad conscience and lost time is through your obedience. You know when you push the envelope. You have that shaky, unsettled feeling in your hearts. That means: Wrong direction--go back! If you ignore that, you just get deeper and deeper into self-will.

"In the long run, if this continues, you need to ask yourself, 'Do I really WANT to serve the Lord?? Or do I want to serve myself.'

"I would love to save you the wasted time. You need to go deep and ask that question of yourself. If you are struggling, without any success, I would suspect you are not ready to serve Me. I can always make you ready, if I know that is your heart's desire. But YOU must begin to make the effort. Cooperate and yield to Me. Time matters. The longer you wait, the more you lose. And you lose a lot that could have been--and made you happy, as well.

"Now, if you do something that you are unsure of and feel a deep satisfaction afterwards--a real, alive feeling. Not a sinking heart, but an encouraged, enlivened heart. Then you have done the right thing. Proceed.

"This is so simple, a two-year-old could learn it--and does. Children do many things by instinct, and withdrawing from something not good for them is very often done by instinct. This is one very positive attribute you could rekindle in your lives.

"Living for Me is so very simple. I train you in your conscience. But if you want something I'd rather you don't have, you will find ways to justify it.

"I am extremely patient, but I do wait for you to wake up. And there is a loss of connection with Me when you ignore My counsel and keep going. And that doesn't feel good for Me or for you.

"I hate it.

"I want you closer and closer to Me by the minute, and that means obedience from one moment to the next. Obedience brings a great reward. One reward builds on another reward, until we are of one heart and one mind.

"THIS is what I want for you. Is this what you want from Me? If it is, I have just given you the way to attain it. Be obedient at all times. Ask yourself, 'What would make my Jesus happiest with me?' Then do that thing.

"Don't stop to ponder what you will lose by doing it--just do it! When you examine all the self-will plus-points, you can stack them to the ceiling, trying to justify your will. But it will never reach to Heaven, which is the dimension you are in when you are obedient and we are dancing cheek-to-cheek, so to speak.

"There is nothing I enjoy more than our pure union of hearts. In that state, we do everything together, and it is the closest thing to Heaven on Earth. It's up to you. I am willing, but it will cost you much.

"Your pet projects and ideas will have to be laid down for what I want you to do. This is where a lot of souls falter and compromise. But I will never give up on you. I will continue to coax you to die to yourself, so that I may have free reign in your life.

"Please consider. What do you really want to look back on at the end of your life? A life dissipated with many dead ends? Or a life of great accomplishment in being in union with Me? A life of frustration? Or a life of Joys!

"It is your choice, My Beloved. I have already made My choice."